


In The Mood For Love

by bizukos (ladyvcngeance)



Series: In The Mood for Love/Like Someone In Love [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Avatar the Last Airbender, Community: maiko100, F/M, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, Maiko Month, Maiko Week, Modern Era, Zuko Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-05-30 15:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15099836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyvcngeance/pseuds/bizukos
Summary: MODERN AU. Zuko (a widower) and Mai (a neglected wife) become neighbors as Mai moves in with her husband. Both are living unhappy lives that will soon change as they get to know each other. Somewhat inspired by Wong Kar-wai's movie with the same name, a lot of Leonard Cohen references and movie references.(This is an old fic that was never published until now. Contains multiple chapters)Warning: mentions of underage marriage, and hints of non-con sex.





	1. Zuko

The sun was shining, and it reflected into his window as he looked out to the busy streets. He lightened a cigarette and observed a dark green van outside.

“New fuckin’ neighbors. How great.” He said sarcastically and inhaled his cigarette. He had cigarette buds lying around his coffee table.

His home was quite messy, he wasn’t the perfect cleaner his late wife wished he was. After her death, he seemed to have stopped caring. The only thing he cared enough about to polish was her portrait which laid on his nightstand. Sometimes he’d put it down or in the drawer as it caused him too much pain to look at it. When she left this world, he had stopped caring. Maybe he gave up on this world and his pain-reliever was the cigarettes and the alcohol.

He kept staring down. There’s a family moving in.

“Great, noisy brats.” He mumbled. Staring shamelessly down, shirtless with ruffled up hair.

He saw a man. Quite tall, older and robust. Well-dressed too. Probably makes a buckle of money but why would they come here? Behind the man was a younger woman, his wife he assumed, slender with sleek dark hair. She was dressed in a light black coat with her arms crossed. Something about her caught his eye, she looked upset and distracted. He watched the couple closely, observing their every move and body language. The man was more dominant and outgoing, but the woman held much back and seemed stoic in comparison to her husband. He could hear the man yell and the woman, she said nothing, nodded along. Perhaps he was yelling about something and not someone, but the man seemed distraught.

He exhaled the smoke, and his eyes went to the woman again. If she wasn’t looking at her husband, she was looking down. The man went inside and disappeared, leaving his wife on the street.

For one second it looked like she was frowning, and she looked up the complex. She didn’t seem happy to be there.

“Shit.”

She caught him staring at her. She looked disgusted and immediately walked into the building.

“Good job.” He said to himself. “Creep out your new neighbor’s wife, classic move.”

A sudden yet harsh knock on the door was heard which multiplied quickly.

Alright, alright, calm down, he thought and opened the door.

There was the same well-dressed man from the street.

“Are you the tenant?” He asked, not a hello and no introduction.

“Uh, no. My uncle is. He’s away.”

“My name is Zhao, and this is my wife.” He gestured to the woman behind them, leaning against the wall. She had the same disgusted look on her face.

The name clicked. His uncle had told him about a Mr. Zhao moving.

“I remember now. I was told to give you the key.” He went inside to his apartment and frantically looked for the key his uncle had given him, leaving Mr. Zhao and his wife outside.

He came back, looking more disheveled. “Here it is, seems will be next door neighbors. I’m Zuko.” He reached his hand out.

Mr. Zhao took it and they shook hands. His handshake was firm and hard, unnecessary hard.

“Right opposite of mine.” Zuko pointed at the door behind them.

“Thank you, son.” Zhao said, looking Zuko up and down.

There was a weird feeling being called son by this man. His wife looked like she could have been his daughter for sure, she seemed to be around Zuko’s age.

The man opened the door and walked in with his wife following him.

Zuko let out a weak hello to the woman and before she closed the door. She said nothing, but the look of disgust had faded away.

 

*

He looked at himself in the mirror. What a mess he was with his hair to his overall appearance. And his scar, his damned scar covering almost half of his face.

No wonder he would have disgusted her. Being stared down by a creep is enough to make any woman uncomfortable but he was hideous too. A monster had you asked him.

“Why do I care what people think.” He said to himself. “I don’t care.” He grabbed a bottle of mouthwash. Pouring it down and spitting it out. He took another good look at himself. Eyes staring at the reflection of his scar. The eternal reminder of his past.

 

Several years ago, his father and uncle had been in the real estate business, together they built complexes like this old one he was currently living in. His uncle had designed the artful apartment building. Balconies facing each other rather than the street. His uncle thought it was a clever thing to do. Neighbors getting to know each other better from the view of their balconies. Now his was facing his new goodie-goodie neighbors. He thought for a second to clean up his balcony who was occupied by old beer cans and bottles. Then again, he didn’t care.

He went to lighten up another cigarette and sat down by his typewriter.

_C’mon jerk-ass. Write, write, write…_

Yet nothing.

His uncle told him to write down whatever he was feeling but how could write if you stopped feeling? He had written about and for his wife but now he was indifferent. He had an idea, a stupid idea but it was still an idea.

He went out to the balcony, looked at the streets. People running, doing errands, mothers with their children and the working men struggling to make ends meet. Yet again he felt nothing. He looked at the people in the cafes, cuddling lovers and friends. It annoyed him more than it inspired him. Then he looked right ahead.

There was she, the wife of Zhao. They hadn’t shut the curtains and now Zuko could see right into their living room. He observed her, trying to analyze her but there was something about her that caught his eye. Not in how she looked. She didn’t look bad, but she wasn’t a traditional beauty either. She wore clothes that covered up most of her body, but she was quite skinny, not thin but skinny with sharp facial features. She was stunning to look at. As she was cleaning up her kitchen, Zuko went to get his block and pen and quickly came back to the balcony. He sat down and started to sketch as she was cleaning out the cupboards. Suddenly she was stopped by her husband. He was towering her in height and she seemingly started to look smaller and weaker.

Zuko put down his pen and watched the couple. They weren’t arguing but the man seemed upset about something and whatever it was he was upset about, his wife seemed to be the receiving end. She wasn’t saying anything, she stood still and silent, listening to her husband’s frustration.

Zuko knew he should have looked away or gotten away from the balcony but he couldn’t help himself to be the outside observer.

Zhao slammed the cupboard above his wife and marched away like a soldier.

“That’s shitty.” Zuko said. His eyes caught the woman’s again. “Shit.”

She looked upset when looking at Zuko, angrily she walked towards the curtains and closed them when he tried to wave a hello.

He put down the block and felt stupid. He wasn’t going to give up. He wanted to at least know her name perhaps, the thought, he was going to change tactic without making his next-door neighbor think he was a possible rapist.


	2. Mai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is told from the perspective of Mai.  
> Warning: Contains domestic abuse and non-consenting sex acts. 
> 
> This is a Modern AU MAIKO fic.

She stared up to the ceiling, hoping for him to finish at any moment. She focused on the yellow-greyish ceiling. Counting cracks and bumps while he grunted into her ear, violently thrusting into her. She couldn’t make the slightest of noise and the best way was clear her mind and think about something else. It always felt like an out of body experience when her husband fucked her. How she hated that word. Her girlhood dreams were shattered into thousands of broken pieces. She had believed sleeping with her future husband would be romantic and full of pleasure. How naïve she had been.

She remembered her first time. The pain had been horrendous, and she couldn’t help but to cry. He had gotten tired of her wailings and sobbing, he ordered her to bury her face into the pillow and muffle her cries. She would never forget the bitter taste of her own tears.

Now, she had learned to live through the pain as he entered her. She couldn’t really blame him. This was his nature as a man and she had been brought up to never question it. It was her duty and privilege to please him. She could only imagine what would happen if she refused him.

He let out a final groan and ejaculated. She let out a silent sigh, thanking whatever higher power there was that it was finally the end of that.

Out of nowhere he slapped her across the face and a ringing sound terrorized her right ear.

“You were thinking of someone else. I can see it in your face.” He said and got up. Leaving her lying alone in the bed.

She felt the pain stinging in her face as she touched it. She waited until he left for work and she could rush into the shower. It became a routine after sex. She waisted a lot of water, just sitting on the shower floor and letting the water wash over her, she didn’t seem to care, she could have sat there for hours and let the water pour down, washing every trace of him off her.

She felt something in her mouth. A piece of a cracked tooth. It didn’t surprise her as it wasn’t something new. That small bit was now part of the collection of fractured ribs, broken bones and bruises. She managed to cover it all up with clothes or extensive use of concealer. She washed herself clean and was taken back by her own reflection in the mirror. What happened to the little girl who dreamt of princes and princess? The girl who used to imagine and dress up for her fake weddings. She looked at herself, her naked body, and she had promised herself to never feel vulnerable.

“The girl is dead.” She whispered to herself, shamelessly.

 

*

She put on one of her favorite records and hummed with it. Her husband hated her music and called it ‘melancholic’ bullshit. He might be right, what does she know? Whatever opinion or thought she had was reduced to be shit according to him. She never argued, there was no use. She hated having to raise her voice anyway.

She liked being left alone as much as possible and whenever he was away, she felt freedom enough to enjoy music or a book. Just sitting the balcony with a cup of tea and a good book. _Then there was that neighbor._

She had forgotten his name, so she decided to refer to him as the creep. If she had understood it right, the creep was the nephew of the tenant and lived alone in the apartment opposite to them.

His balcony looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in ages. There were cans and dead plants hanging around, cigarette buds in the plants and she noticed a dartboard that wasn’t in use. He must be a bachelor; no woman would let their man live like that. She called herself a clean freak and wherever she saw dirt or a spot, her mind would be set on how to make it go away. The creep’s apartment however, might be a lost cause. She decided to go in and change record, to something sadder and French. Her husband wondered how she could enjoy that depressing kind of music and she didn’t know. She just liked whatever spoke to her even if she didn’t know the language.

Someone started to knock on her door. She was to busy to open right away and the knocking got louder and rougher.

She sighed and walked over to the door, holding a record of her favorite artist in her hand.

She reluctantly opened the door and there he was, the creep. This time he was decently dressed.

“Hello.” The creep said. “You seem busy.”

She said nothing, she knew she was and she hadn’t even cared enough to dry her wet hair. She looked impatient at him. She had already gotten a bad first impression of the man but was too polite to close the door on him.

“So, my uncle, the tenant.” He seemed nervous to speak to her yet also impatient. He didn’t seem to want to stand in front of her. “He’s away you know?”

She let out a mumble, notifying him she was aware of it.

“He wanted me to give this to your husband.” He handed a binder of documents. “It’s about the apartment and shit. You might not care but give this to him.”

She reached her hand out and took it, their fingers touching slightly. He had very firm hands she noticed. He must be working a lot with them.

An awkward silence fell between them and she was ready mutter a goodbye and close the door until the creep broke off the silence.

“Hey, is that a Leonard Cohen record in your hand?”

The question caught her off guard and before she could answer, the creep kept talking.

“I love that guy! I’m Your Man is pretty much my song.” He said and chuckled lightly.

She let out a forced smile. That’s nice, she thought.

“Yeah…” The creep felt the tension of the awkwardness surrounding them. “I never got your name by the way. I would think, now that we are neighbors, I should know your name.”

“Mai.”

“Uh, yeah? May I know?”

The creep didn’t seem to be that bright, but she couldn’t help to think this was somehow funny.

“Mai.” She repeated, a bit louder.

The creep looked embarrassed and laughed it off. “Oh, sorry. Mai is a nice name.”

She gave him a little smile, with wasn’t very noticeable. She just wanted to close the door and go inside.

“My name is Zuko. I think I told you this before.”

Zuko, she thought. It sounded better than ‘the creep’. She couldn’t help to think he was kind of cute.

“Uhm…” The creep called Zuko said. “I hope you’ll have a nice day and enjoy your Leonard Cohen record.” He was trying his best to sound polite. “I should turn around now.”

Mai gave him a half-smile. She watched him turn around and walk into his place. He didn’t notice she watched him until he closed his door.

She closed the door carefully and thought about that awkward yet cute creep of a neighbor. She couldn’t help but to hate how rude she must have come across. Standing there in silence when he had tried to start a conversation. She put the binder down at the table and walked towards her old LP-player but as she walked across the living room, she noticed the door to Zuko’s balcony being open. She had gotten idea, a cheesy one but it was her idea to be nice and polite.

She dragged the LP player out to the balcony and put on the record, choosing the right Leonard Cohen song to play.

 

**_If you want a lover_ **

**_I'll do anything you ask me to_ **

**_And if you want another kind of love_ **

**_I'll wear a mask for you_ **

**_If you want a partner, take my hand, or_ **

**_If you want to strike me down in anger_ **

**_Here I stand_ **

**_I'm your man_ **

**_If you want a boxer_ **

**_I will step into the ring for you_ **

**_And if you want a doctor_ **

**_I'll examine every inch of you_ **

**_If you want a driver, climb inside_ **

**_Or if you want to take me for a ride_ **

**_You know you can_ **

**_I'm your man_ **

**_Ah, the moon's too bright_ **

**_The chain's too tight_ **

**_The beast won't go to sleep_ **

**_I've been running through these promises to you_ **

**_That I made, and I could not keep_ **

**_Ah, but a man never got a woman back_ **

**_Not by begging on his knees_ **

**_Or I'd crawl to you baby and I'd fall at your feet_ **

**_And I'd howl at your beauty like a dog in heat_ **

**_And I'd claw at your heart, and I'd tear at your sheet_ **

**_I'd say please (please)_ **

**_I'm your man_ **

**_And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road_ **

**_I will steer for you_ **

**_And if you want to work the street alone_ **

**_I'll disappear for you_ **

**_If you want a father for your child_ **

**_Or only want to walk with me a while across the sand_ **

**_I'm your man_ **

**_If you want a lover_ **

**_I'll do anything you ask me to_ **

**_And if you want another kind of love_ **

**_I'll wear a mask for you_ **


	3. Hell is other people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [emoji eyes]

” You promised we were going out.” Mai said, looking at her husband.

He let out a groan. “When the hell did I say that?” He said, with his eyes glued on the TV.

“Two days ago.” She said in a monotone voice.

“That was then, this is now. Let me watch my show.” He mumbled. “Don’t you have any cleaning to do?”

Mai rolled her eyes and let out a silent sigh. Crossing her arms, she looked severely disappointed.

“I’ve already cleaned three times today.”

He turned off the TV and got up from the couch. “One freakin’ day off and you won’t let me enjoy it.”

“Sorry.” She said and looked down on the floor.

“I’m going out for a beer.” He put on a jacket and was headed out. “I work day and night and I can’t have any time for myself.”

She said nothing but followed him as he was headed out.

“By the way, I’ll be away on a business trip for the rest of the week.” He said and checked his pockets for his keys and cigarettes.

“When will you be back?” She asked.

“When business is over.” He answered and put a cigarette in his mouth. “Y’know, it’s for the company.”

She didn’t argue. He was perhaps somewhat right. Most of his truths were followed by a definite lie.

“Stop looking so damn depressed all the time.” He complained. “I’ve seen amputated orphans looking happier.”

“You’re right.” Mai said.

“Don’t you have any friends?”

You won’t let me have friends, she thought. “They aren’t in the city.”

He moaned and looked through his wallet. “Here!” He threw money at her. “Go out. Do something instead of sulking.”

He mumbled something about what a fraud their marriage was and how he worked his ass for nothing before storming out.

Again, she said nothing and took the money. She knew no one and nothing about the big city, it felt terrifying yet exciting, but she promised herself to go out and out she went.

Different kinds of music were heard from the houses to the rugged street musicians playing for a nickel. She could feel the scent of different kinds of spices and food too, mothers calling their children from the windows, people yelling at each other from their moving cars and children were almost running into her.

“Sorry lady!” A boy called out with his toothless grin and ran after his laughing friends.

The city was alive, and she had never felt so out of place in her life.

Her eyes went to a teashop in the corner of the street. The Jasmine Dragon. Her husband had mentioned the teashop in one of his boasting conversations with her and something in her pulled her to the shop.

The shop was homely and with an eastern décor. People were coming and going, and she could sense it was a popular shop with the locals.

“Ah!” The man at the counter yelled out as she walked in. “A brand-new customer!”

It took her a time to realize he was talking about her.

“Now what would it be fair lady?” The older man asked.

Mai bite her lip to stop herself from smiling too much. “Well, I’m new to this city and here so I don’t really know…” She looked up at the signs, trying to pick out something.

“Welcome to the city!” The big-bellied man yelled enthusiastically. “Might I recommend the special of the day? Also, let me introduce myself. My name is Iroh, owner of the Jasmine Dragon!”

The name Iroh ringed a bell.

“Uh, my name is Mai.” She smiled at the friendly man.

A sudden crashing noise was heard from the back.

“UNCLE!” A voice called out. “We are out of red leaves!”

The man chuckled. “My nephew. He has no taste when it comes to different kinds of tea.”

“Not everyone can afford that talent.” Mai joked.

The man let out a loud chuckle. “Let me introduce you two! Zuko! Come and meet the lady!”

The smiles died out quickly and she felt like a statue.

He poked his head out and saw her. He looked surprised to see her.

“Uh, h-hello.” He stuttered.

“My nephew Zuko. He works and helps me out sometimes in the shop.” He looked at him with proud eyes. “I don’t know where I would be without him.”

“Uncle, please.” Zuko mumbled.

“Mai here is new to the city.” Uncle Iroh said with a big smile. “Let’s make her feel welcome.”

“I know…” Zuko accidentally let out.

Mai didn’t dare to say a thing. Her shyness got the best of her.

“You know? You know each other?”

“No.” Mai snapped.

Zuko looked at her as if there was something wrong with her. Mai glared back.

“Well, maybe you two should get to know each other.” Uncle Iroh nudged at Zuko.

“I think I’ll take the special to-go.” Mai said, trying to distract herself.

Iroh didn’t seem to notice the tension between her and his nephew but Zuko seemed far from impressed with Mai’s behavior.

“Sure.” Zuko said and started to prepare one special for her.

 

*

Perhaps he was stupid, but he couldn’t understand her. She was an enigma wrapped in another and closed herself off from anyone who tried to be friendly. How could anyone be so pretentious to think they would be above others? Did she think she was too good? Whatever it was he was growing tired.

He grabbed a beer bottle from his fridge and when he didn’t find an opener he did the primitive. He opened it with his teeth.

He thought about their first encounter. She wasn’t much of a talker or maybe she thought it was beneath her to talk to him. She did show him another side when she played I’m Your Man from her balcony to his. That sweet of her but maybe she didn’t want to come across as much of an uptight bitch and decided to do something rather nice.

Anyway, he had decided he didn’t like her, but he liked mysteries and she was ocean of unknown depths.

He found her on the balcony again. This time with her head inside a book and with her legs exposed and leaning on the edge of the balcony. He couldn’t help but to notice the bruises on them.

He decided to say something but keeping it cool.

“Hello neighbor!” He said across from his balcony and closed the door behind him.

Mai looked up from the book, shocked to see him and she let the book down and quickly walked away without a word.

Well, fuck you too, he thought bitterly.

He sat on the balcony with a beer bottle in one and a cigarette in the other.

She came back but now she had covered up her legs and it seemed she had put one something on her face. Cream but he couldn’t tell for sure.

She picked up the book and covered her face again.

“So.” He tried again. “I saw you at my uncle’s shop.”

No reaction.

“It’s a side business but a passion of his.” He said again. He looked over to her side and still nothing. “I don’t fucking get it.” He snarled. “Maybe you’re not a talker but what’s the point in being rude?”

He couldn’t see it, but she rolled her eyes.

“We are neighbors now but you’re acting like a prissy little princess.” He took a sip from his beer.

She let out a loud sigh, signaling to him that he was getting on her nerves.

Zuko realized his choice for words weren’t the best. “Sorry. I apologize. I just mean, there’s nothing wrong with getting to know each other, right? Don’t worry. I’m not a creep if that’s what you think. I respect you and your husband so don’t think I’m just out to fuck you, I’m being nice.”

That was enough for Mai. She laid down her book and decided to walk inside.

“No wait!” He called out. “Don’t go.”

She stood still with her back turned against him.

“I didn’t mean to come across like that. I just thought. Now, I know you like Leonard Cohen and I like him too. I don’t meet many girls who like that type of music.” He sounded sincere to her.

She went back to her seat without saying a word to him.

Zuko thought for a while about what to say and he got a glance of the book she was reading. No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre.

“Reading a good book, huh?” He said and stretched. There was approximately less than 5 meters between them.

Mai said nothing but glanced back at him. Zuko thought for one second that she smiled and went back to talking.

“No exit?” He read as he leaned forward. “Jean-Paul… I know that guy!” He waved his index finger and smiled.

Mai was trying her best not show she was smiling at his antics.

“He’s the guy who said hell is empty and all the devils are here. I know him. Clever guy.”

“Hell is other people.” She replied with her eyes on the book.

Zuko was surprised to hear her speak. “So, she talks.” He chuckled. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Mai was quiet for a few seconds and then she put her book down and looked right at him. “No. You are confusing Shakespeare with Jean-Paul Sartre.”

Zuko looked dumbfounded. “But aren’t they basically saying the same thing?”

Mai sighed. “Not really. Shakespeare speaks of hell and devils in his play The Tempest with a biblical standpoint and Sartre’s idea is a reference to his previous work, Being and Nothingness, a perpetual struggle of being an object of another consciousness rather your own. While Sartre’s work is a piece of existentialism his play is about deceased people having to spend eternality with each other in a room, waiting.” Mai finished.

Zuko didn’t know how to respond to that. He was still shocked that she could talk.

“You sound fun at parties.” He blurted out.

Mai let out a small laugh and tried to cover it with her hand on her mouth. Zuko thought it was the sweetest yet sincere laughs he had ever heard. It made him feel good about himself.

“Maybe that’s why I don’t go to parties.” She said with a half-smile.

“Yeah, because people are hell, right?”

“Perhaps. If you observe them and try to analyze them for too long.” Mai said, fidgeting with her sleeve. “I guess I’m guilty of that.”

“I don’t like going out to parties that much.” Zuko said. “I could if I felt like it because only miserable people lock themselves up willingly.”

“Are you calling me miserable?” Her delivery struck out to him.

“Ugh, no. No, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, parties can be torturous, taking you out of your comfort zone and you are forced to socialize with people you have zero in common with. I still like going out on my own terms. I think you do too.” He said and referring to her short visit to the tea shop. “I guess, it is easier for people like us, to go out on our own terms and have our own… I’m sorry. I’m not making any sense.” Zuko said. It must have been the beer talking out of him.

Mai said nothing, but she had listened to everything he had to say. “I think there’s some truth to it. I like going out, but I don’t like to force myself into the social rules of what going out is. Some people think it means going out for drinks and get drunk and others have ideas of going out as just lying and relaxing on the grass in the park, getting some fresh air.”

“Yeah! That’s what I meant… I think.”

“But I don’t think people who like the comfortable solitude in their own homes are miserable.” Mai said with a crooked smile. “People have their own definitions of misery. Sartre definitely had one.”

“But you know what they say! Misery loves company.”

Mai looked impressed at his obvious conclusion. “That’s what they say…”

“And I’m company.”

“Why do I still feel like you are calling me miserable?”

“I mean, my definition of misery and being miserable is very different from others. Like that guy in the book over there.”

If he wasn’t that stupid I’d think he was flirting, Mai thought as she smiled. “You’re funny.”

Zuko blushed and tried to change the topic quickly. He let out a chuckle and accidentally knocked down a beer.

“Shit… I…” He looked at her. She was sitting on a chair, comfortably and looking right back at him. He felt like a nervous wreck as her eyes still lingered on him. “Where’s your husband?”

Her smile went out like a candle. “On a business trip.”

“Oh, so you’re all alone?” He asked.

“Yes, all alone.”

“D-do you want to hang out sometime? Like friends though. Two pals hanging out.” He thought it was a nice save.

“I don’t know…” She said carefully. She wondered what his motives could be, but he seemed innocent enough.

“Or we could just hang out like we do now.” He said. “If you are new here I’d guess it’d be fun to make friends here in the city.”

Mai said nothing but gave him a small smile. She said her thanks and that she’d think about it.

She walked inside and gave him a blushing smile as she pulled the curtains and disappeared.


	4. Sweetness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicide mentions, miscarriage mention and underage marriage. Something is going on. Good and bad.

_You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop **.**_

It had become a mantra for Mai and she quoted it religiously to herself every day when she passed a mirror.

Being away from Zhao felt like freedom only in a perverted way. She could do things she wished to do, and she threw herself into a harem of guilty pleasures. She listened to her records in peace, she walked around the apartment naked as the day she was born and the second most scandalous thing to do, enjoying a cigarette indoors. She played her Francoise Hardy record and lied down her bed and daydreamed. Only a small part of her thought of her husband. He said it was a business trip, but she figured it was business and pleasure. That man couldn’t deny a woman sober and she figured, how he’d be drunk with his business associates somewhere far from her. She imagined him laying with foreign women, drunk as he was most of the time, and forgetting his duties as a spouse.

She told herself she didn’t care and if she truly didn’t, why did she think of it then? She couldn’t blame a man for being a man and with a world full of beautiful women, a man will act on his own primal instincts.

She didn’t consider herself to be beautiful like the women she saw on TV or in the ads. She sometimes didn’t consider herself pretty at all. Women were to be rosy-cheeked lively beings with voluptuous figures. She was skinny but not in the desirable way, her face bony and lacked the feminine features. Her cheekbones were too high, and her eyes were too small with a sharp jawline, she thought she looked more masculine. Yet everything fitted perfectly but it just didn’t look good to her. How she thanked the Gods, she at least had breasts on her wretched body.

But she couldn’t think about that for too long. She, and like everyone else, was going to be worm food someday and when that day would come, no one would have cared about her damned appearance. She could make some light jokes about it. In the mornings, when she looked too disheveled to even care, she referred to herself as Miss Havisham from Great Expectations.

And she thought about her new neighbor, that Zuko. His comment had left something inside of her.

**_“I respect you and your husband so don’t think I’m just out to fuck you, I’m being nice.”_ **

****

Every rightminded and sensible woman would have taken issue with such a comment which Mai had but when she thought long about it. She didn’t mind. For years, she had despised herself, her body and face. Thought no man would ever love her. She didn’t mind being seen as, what some would say, fuckable.

She was still a human being and surprisingly it could seem for others, women are sexual beings too. She wouldn’t mind being fucked properly and by someone who would actually satisfy her.

That Zuko boy, he was handsome too. Handsome in that wicked way of how those brooding classical male characters from the Brontë sisters were.

She would glance at his window from hers and wondered. He did ask if she wanted to hangout, but her heart wasn’t in the right place to accept his invitation.

She was still someone wife, although unhappy and unsatisfied, she wasn’t going to do anything shameful. Even if she fantasized about it. Zuko didn’t seem like the type either. He wouldn’t do anything to her, she wasn’t like those pretty popular girls boys often lusted for.

 

*

 

Zuko thought about Mai whenever he was left alone from his dull work. She was still an enigma for him and she couldn’t answer a question without leaving him asking a dozen others. Did she like to hangout or not? He snorted and laid himself to rest on his couch. His favorite The Smiths song played.

****

****_Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking_  
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth   
In your head 

****_Oh...sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking_  
When I said by rights you should be   
Bludgeoned in your bed. 

****

“Morrissey…” Zuko chuckled and lightened up a cigarette. “You are fucking bastard…”

He wondered again, of Mai. There must be some meaning to the miserable philosophy of Morrissey. And she liked miserable things it seemed. He knew she had good taste in music and she had shared I’m Your Man with him, he had to do something he felt.

What a fool he had made himself out to be. That comment about having respect for her and not wanting to fuck her. If that didn’t make the creep meter rise, he didn’t know what would.

He hadn’t loved since the passing of his wife. When the crash had happened, the screams echoing in his own ear and his whole life came tumbling down with his knees to the ground. He wasn’t sure he was about to fall in love again. He was sure he wasn’t planning to.

He had married young and gotten widowed young too. It was a clear mark of distain against his own family by marrying the woman of his choice and throw himself to adulthood. No one was going to take her place but now he was thinking of someone else.

Mai.

He wasn’t in love or anything. She happened to be an interesting person and had she been male, a friendship would have been made quite instant, but she was not. She was a woman, a married one too, which made it just look like a bad match from any outside perspective. He wasn’t sex-crazed, but he enjoyed a rubbing one out like any other man. Mai just seemed like a cool person to hangout with, he told himself over and over.

He decided not to be such a lowlife after all, go up to her and make it right. And get a straight answer from her. He grabbed his own record and made himself look somewhat presentable to her.

“I’ll just share this as a thank you, want to hangout or not…” He repeated and walked over to her side. “C’mon Zuko…” He said to himself and knocked on her door.

He inhaled and for a moment, it felt as if he had held his breath forever.

After a slow minute, Mai opened the door and poked her head out. Surprised to see him and he was surprised to see her smoke.

“Hello. Can I help you?” Mai asked him.

“Huh, I didn’t know you smoked.”

She embarrassingly removed the cigarette from her lips. She straightened herself up and looked right at him. Waiting for him to speak.

“I wanted to give you this record.” He handed over The Smiths record. “As a thank you…”

“For what?” Mai was reluctant to accept the gift.

“For playing my favorite Leonard Cohen song for me.” He gave her a simple smile.

“Oh, but you didn’t need to.” Mai said, blushing as she accepted the gift from him. “I like The Smiths.” She smiled shyly.

“I wanted to ask another thing.”

Mai looked at him with keen eyes.

“Uh…” Zuko put his hands in his pockets and looked the other way. “Have you thought… about… Y’know, hanging out?”

Mai bit her lips. She had but she didn’t know what the appropriate response was. She struggled with her words and let out a meek yes.

Zuko raised his one eyebrow. “What?”

“I mean, sure. Any guy who likes Leonard Cohen and The Smiths must be very fun.”

Zuko didn’t know if she was being sarcastic or not but it made him smile. It was a part of the twisted charm in her.

Mai went inside and left Zuko standing.

“What the…?” He said to himself. Could she be anymore unclear?

Mai went back and looked at him in confusion. “Aren’t you coming inside?”  He was a bit awkward, but it was funny to see him interact.

Zuko stepped inside and it was exactly how he had imagined it to be except it was really clean inside her home.

“Do you want anything?” Mai asked him as she went to prepare tea.

“Tea would be good.”

Mai smiled at him and turned around.

She was dressed in all black, black stockings, dark grey skirt and a black turtleneck. The only thing that was colored was the hairband or diadem which was red tartan. He found himself staring at her as she was preparing his cup.

_C’mon, Zuko. She’s not that pretty._

She handed him a cup of the tea. “I’m sorry, it was made in a rush.”

_Not pretty but striking. Like a Grecian goddess._

“Nah, it’s okay.” He said and sipped on it. It was awfully good.

They found themselves sitting opposite each other at her table. Zuko had noticed there were no photos hanging on the walls. It didn’t feel like a family home.

“What’s your idea of hanging out?” Mai asked, not with a smile or with any tenderness in her voice.

“I… Uh… I don’t know.” Zuko felt like a huge idiot. He truly didn’t know why he was doing this and why was he in her apartment anyway.

Mai sighed. “It’s okay. I get bored very easily anyway.”

Zuko sneered at her in a playful manner. “What do you mean by that?”

Mai shrugged. “There’s nothing enjoyable here.”

“What do you and your man do?” Zuko finished his tea, curious to learn more about her.

“Nothing really. He sits, and watches TV and I sit next to him.” Mai let out a smile. “I know what you think.”

“I wasn’t thinking anything really except I know a place.”

“Where?”

“Chinatown. A café, we could talk about music and whatever y’know.”

Mai tried her best to hide the fact she was blushing. She noticed how big his hands were, his callous knuckles. Every physical feature on him from his scar to the messy manbun he had.

“I’d like that. Anywhere but here.” Mai said. Had this been happening in her and Zhao’s hometown she wouldn’t have dared to look at another man, if the talk of it spread, she was going to be on the receiving end. She didn’t know anyone in the big city and no one could gossip about her being seen with someone who wasn’t her husband.

Zuko was happy with her answer. Mai grabbed her coat and out they went. Zuko took her to his favorite place, remote one in Chinatown. The awkward tension went slowly away and Zuko find himself to enjoy her company, he wondered if she did the same but her little giggles and sudden blushing indicated that she was actually having fun, in her own little gloomy way.

“So, he says.” Zuko coughed to deliver the final line. “Leaf me alone, I’m bushed!”

Mai let out an insecure snicker. She looked at him in confusion but kept half-smiling.

“Sorry, my uncle tells it better.”

“It’s not the joke but the way you said it.” Mai laughed.

That made Zuko genuinely happy, he had made her happy and laughing. There was something about her face that showed she wasn’t always laughing like this. She looked beautiful with a smile on her face. She was already striking and stunning to look at, but she was art with hidden meanings and layers.

“How did you get into Cohen? What else kind of music do you like?” Zuko was genuine in his interest to know her. Mai had never felt so interesting. No one ever cared.

“I don’t really remember. This might be silly, I used to have a crush on him.” Mai said and played around with a spoon in her cup.

“You didn’t? You? Had a crush on Leonard Cohen?”

“He was handsome in a rugged way but his lyrics, the frankness, the poetry and depths he goes in and you can tell he is genuine. I think he was just such a beautiful man in every sense.”

“I just think he is pretty cool.” Zuko shrugged as he leaned back. He noticed Mai was detailing his face. Perhaps his scar too for that matter. It didn’t annoy him, but he felt a bit uncomfortable if so.

“I like Serge Gainsbourg and Francoise Hardy too.”

“Okay, I have no idea who they are.” He laughed, and it sounded like a waterfall, beautiful and strong.

“They are French. I could… play something for you one day if you like.” Mai said, sounding shy.

Zuko liked that. “I like that.”

They talked about other interests, Zuko told her about his drawings and writings, his passions in life and where he was from. “I came to the city years ago. My uncle offered me a place to live and I have worked for him ever since, helping him with whatever he needed.”

“How long have you been living in the city?”

“A few years now. More than 3 years.”

“You must have made many friends here.” Mai said, leaning closer to their table than ever before. Looking at him with tender eyes.

“No… I don’t go out that much in order to make friends and if I do, I don’t mean to make friends.” Zuko said with a serious and harsh tone.

Mai looked down on the floor and it felt like as if her feet were dangling in mid-air. She tilted her head and raised it to be able to look into his eyes. “Why do you want to be my friend?”

The question took him back. He didn’t know what to say and he felt the question was ridiculous.

“Why not? You’re a cool girl. I don’t meet many girls with the interests you got.” Zuko said, cupping his hands together and leaned forwards.

“I’m different from other girls?” Mai said, her voice sounded soft and as tender as the look she was giving him.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I guess it depends. I don’t care. We are not all the same you know.”  Mai pulled her sleeves as she spoke. She remembered the stares and glares she had gotten from him from his window. How could she have forgotten, those golden eyes on her.

“I find you to be interesting… and fascinating. I’d like to ask you more, but I don’t know if it’s okay.”

“Nothing is off topic.” Mai said daringly. She narrowed her eyes, she was curious what it was he was going ask.

“How did you and your husband meet.” Zuko said. “You seem to be a… interesting match.”

Mai let out a short but sarcastic laugh. “You want to know? Well, we never really did.” She raised her eyebrows.

Zuko was confused but intrigued.

“I have known him all of my life. He was the friend of my father for a long time. Before I was even born.” Mai grinned as she thought about it. “He used to come to our house a lot and he never noticed me until I got older and more visible for the male eyes.”

Zuko said nothing, he didn’t dare to, but he let Mai know he was listening to every word.

“I used to serve him, and father tea and I could tell uncle Zhao, that was what I used to call him, was looking at me… in that special way. How a man looks at a woman. And out of nowhere, suddenly, I heard he had asked my father for my hand in marriage.”

“How old were you?” Zuko asked.

“I had turned 17. I was in school.” Mai spoke with a certain sadness in her voice. “And my father, had accepted. He said it was shameful to turn Zhao down, he had always been good to our family.”

“Geez, 17? You were just a kid.” Zuko let out a small chuckle. “That’s…”

“Awful, disturbing, sick? Just say it, I have heard it all.” Mai felt miserable just talking about it.

“I’m not telling how to live your life but…”

“I know… He is old enough to be my father. They are practically the same age.” Mai said with a sigh.

Zuko felt bad. He felt bad for sounding judgmental, but he sensed something wrong and he couldn’t exactly let it go even if he wanted to.

“I was married once too.” He blurted out. Why he did, he’d never truly know.

“Divorced?” Mai asked, surprised by his sudden confession.

“I wish.” Zuko snorted. “She’s left this world. She was really young.”

“I’m sorry for your loss. Can I ask what happened?”

“She…” Zuko started. He struggled with his words and felt his knees getting heavy.

“You know what. You don’t have to answer me. It’s not really my business. I am so sorry for your loss.” She laid her hand over his as comfort.

Zuko couldn’t help to think how soft her hands were. He felt the urge to hold her hand but fought it instantly.

“It’s okay. It was suicide. She brought it on herself.” Zuko said and he was fighting with his emotions once again.

Mai looked concerned and saddened. “Zuko, suicide is not something… There’s a lot more that goes on and it’s a heavy dark path to go.” Mai said. She knew, she had tried it once. Mai walked over to Zuko’s side and gave him a hug.

“Thank you, Mai.” He said, shocked over the hug but it was strangely comforting and to hold her.

Mai was now sitting next to him, he didn’t want her to move away.

“I never told anyone this… Nobody knows except for me, and well, my husband.” Mai said and looked down and then up to Zuko. “Suicide, it’s so common. Everyone knows someone almost. I tried it once.”

Zuko was stunned by her revelation. She seemed like a strongminded woman but his late wife, she fought her demons and sadly lost.

Mai went silent and suddenly her voice started to shake. Zuko took her by the hand, trying without words, to comfort her.

“Oh, God. I don’t know why I’m saying this.” Mai laughed it off as tears were building up in her eyes. “I was expecting once.”

“Expecting?”

“A child. I was pregnant. I lost the baby. In a violent miscarriage.” Mai said, she knew the truth and tried her best to not reveal too much for him. “I couldn’t live with myself after that.”

Why was she telling him this? Why did she have to feel the need to share her deepest, darkest memory with him. Oh, why did she feel comfortable to even speak to him.

“I’m glad you lived.” Zuko said.

Mai let out a small but broken smile.

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” Zuko said and smiled.

Mai wondered if she could ask him about the scar but bit her tongue. They walked closely home together, and Mai felt a relief in herself. She hadn’t had such deep talks to anyone, not even Zhao and she felt strangely good. She wondered if Zuko did to. She looked over at him. His black leather jacket and his scarf wrapped around him. She was a perfectionist and had noticed it being uneven and had to stop him.

“Please, let me fix this for you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Please…” Mai gave it a perfect touch and he started to actually feel warm around his neck. She looked up at him. He was one head and a half taller, a treat to look at. “Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“What happened to you?” Mai asked, softly.

Zuko didn’t know what she was talking about. “What do you mean?” He looked over at her and she motioned to her own face.

She was wondering about the scar. He didn’t know what to say. She had been honest and upfront and the least he could do was to do the same.

“Curtesy of my great father.” He said with a bitter and sarcastic tone. “He had decided to teach me a lesson.”

“Your father did that?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. He is probably laying drunk in the gutter somewhere. That’s what he deserves.”

Mai said nothing but leaned closer to him. Zuko could feel her warmth on his arm. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. It was a long time ago. He had tried to hurt my mother and I decided to get between. He then decided that I was going to learn not to get between a man and his property.”

“Property?”

“The words of my father. Wives are the property of their husbands and that’s just how I was raised to think. Not that I do anymore.”

Mai could relate to that. Not that she felt herself being Zhao’s property but rather his object, his little doll he could play with and throw around when he got bored.

“Does your mother live with him still?”

“No. She left by the same time I did. She’s remarried now.”

“I’m happy. I’m happy you both are away from him.” Mai said and leaned her head against him.

Zuko smiled. He let his arm around hers. He could have kissed her at that moment but didn’t. He wished he could have, her lips were kissable and luscious. He started to hate himself, hating that he was falling for a married woman.  They could have made a lavish affair of this, but he respected her.

Mai hugged his arm tight. He had such strong arms too. She wondered how it would be to be wrapped around them.

She closed those thoughts as they were now standing in front of each other’s doors. What ever would happen next… Only Gods would know.


	5. Gorgeous devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Zuko and Mai struggle with their feelings for each other. They pretty much feel the same way except they have no idea it is mutual. Zuko struggles with loving a married woman and Mai struggles with her own desires.

His uncle often pestered him about getting a social life. Go out, meet new people and enjoy the little things we take for granted. His life had certainly spiraled down the last couple of years. He drank too much, smoked too much and gambled too much and if things weren’t too much, they were too little. The perfect balance was long gone. Nothing could stimulate his busy mind.

“It’s been really nice talking to you.” Mai said holding her coat with both hands.

“Yeah, you’re a good listener.” Zuko said, trying to find the right words. He really had enjoyed her company.

“I haven’t been able to have a long conversation with anyone in a long time.” Mai said and looked down at the marble floor with its cracks. “My husband is not a real talker.”

“It must be nice however, to enjoy each other’s silence together.”

“If it was the right kind of silence.” Mai sighed. “Anyway, thank you for everything.”

Zuko couldn’t help but to smile at her. “It’s been great. I… I should be heading in now. I have so much to do. Like, I need to get myself a haircut and I hate it.” He chuckled. His uncle had nagged him on getting a haircut and start making himself look presentable if he wanted lady friends.

“I could cut it for you.” Mai had no idea why she offered to do that. It just slipped.

“You cut hair?” Zuko was surprised. Impressed and yet surprised by her.

Mai bite her lower lip and raised her eyebrows in a playful manner, she still kept her reserved and stoic face intact. “I do a lot of things.” She turned around and opened the door to her apartment. “Are you coming or not?”

Zuko followed her. He didn’t know if he should have as he felt conflicted. He liked her, but he didn’t know if the feeling was mutual, or he should know that it wasn’t mutual. _She’s married for fuck’s sake,_ Zuko thought to himself.

She told him to take his hair down and Mai couldn’t even look him in the eyes properly. She knew what she was doing was to push her own limits but maybe she was in desperate need of a friend or just contact.

“I think Zhao took his shampoo with him.” Mai said and got up on the counter. “We have some extra right here.” Mai threw it for him to catch.

 _She’s doing this on purpose…_ Zuko saw how her skirt raised as she got up and down from the counter, revealing the lines of her hips as she bent over.

“Uhm, what do you want me to do now?”

Mai pulled away the chair and mumbled for him to get in the shower and take off his shirt. She turned her face away from him as he took off his shirt, revealing his toned upper body.

 _What am I doing,_ Mai thought as she had him following her to the shower.

It started out awkward and Mai felt a bit embarrassed to what was going on but Zuko knew how to break the tension with jokes and humorous comments.

“Ow, calm down Delilah.”

“Well you’re no Samson exactly. Sit still or I’ll cut your ear.” Mai said and struggled with his head. “God, your head is so big.”

 _Then you should see the rest of me._ “You’re the one with your hands on my head.” He closed his eyes as she started to cut and comb his hair. It felt strangely satisfying having her fingers going through his hair…

 

_The water ran over his body slowly as her fingers pressed into his back. His body against hers and as she panted heavily, her hand reached down to his…_

“Zuko? Zuko, wake up!” Mai called him out of his daydreaming.

“What happened?” He said, scatterbrained.

“We are done. Take a shower and I’ll be waiting in the living room.”

He wanted to bang his head against the wall. Why was he thinking about her like that? He tried to bury his thoughts and feelings with reasons and facts.

_I’m only her friend._

_She’s married._

_What would she see in me?_

_I’m a fucking miserable slob._

 

He needed to be reasonable at this time. Before he could have messed around with any girl and not even thinking of calling back, but Mai is different. How cliché it may have sound, she was not like those other girls he had met before. Her presence is overwhelming but soothing. She hides much yet she’s honest and there’s no ending to her depths. If there was an end, he was intrigued, and he wanted to explore her. And perhaps he could relate to her too. To put it sort he was interested but why did she have to be what she was. What also made her interesting was that she was like forbidden fruit. Someone else’s.

 

He came out of from the shower, with nothing but his pants on. She was lying on the couch with a book in her hand.

“Uhm, thanks.”

“You look refreshed.” Mai said with a hint of a smile. She gave him a brush and a towel that was lying next to her. “I was looking at The Smith’s record you gave me. I found my old The Smith’s cassette.” She reached her hand out and gave the cassette to him.

“Handsome Devil? Wow, you know that song?”

“It’s very underrated.” Mai said and put her book down. “Maybe their raunchiest song?” She said, wondering.

“Yeah, you know. I make a good Morrissey impression with this song.” Zuko said, almost bragging.

Mai tried to hide incoming laughter. “Really? Well, put on a show then.” Mai said. “Sing to me.”

Zuko started to blush ferociously. “Now? You mean, right now?”

“No, wait a year. Yes, now!” Mai demanded a show. “You’ve been making me laugh all day and it would only be appropriate to end this day with a bit of laughter.”

Zuko swallowed his pride and made the best of this. “I’ll give you what you’re asking for.” He said, making a The Smith’s reference.

“Good boy.” Mai said in a soothing voice.

Zuko put on the cassette and suddenly the hairbrush turned into a microphone. The song was in a perfect volume where he could hear the music and mostly his own raspy singing voice.

 

 “ ** _All the streets are crammed with things,_**

 ** _Eager to be held!_** ” Zuko sang with gusto and started to into his rocker persona.

“ ** _I know what hands are for_**

**_And I'd like to help myself_ **

**_You ask me the time_ **

**_But I sense something more._** ”

Mai tried to stop her herself from bursting into laughter, but she was wildly entertained by his antics.

“ ** _And I would like to give_**

**_What I think you're asking for_ **

**_You gorgeous devil._ ** _”_

Zuko got into it more and more. He imagined himself as an actual artist and Mai was his whole audience. She seemed to be having fun with this and he kept going.

“ ** _Oh, you gorgeous devil_**

**_Let me get my hands_ **

**_On your mammary glands_ **

**_And let me get your head_ **

**_On the conjugal bed._** ”

Zuko pointed at her, like a rockstar toying with his fans. Mai didn’t know what she was feeling as he sang and played out this persona in front of her. Was it second hand embarrassment or was she actually enjoying him like this? Whatever it was, she was laughing and blushing.

And Zuko felt the fantasy. He got some sort of kick out of it and seeing Mai in almost tears of laughter and joy. And Zuko continued.

“ ** _A girl in the bush_**

**_Is worth two in the hand_ **

**_I think I can help you get through your exams_ **

**_Oh, you gorgeous devil._** ”

The cassette was old and suddenly the tape got tangled and the sound went downhill from that. The rocker fantasy died with it.

“Well, that was the end of that.” Mai said with a short yet sweet giggle. “I have certainly never been serenaded like that before.”

“Uh, I’m glad you liked it. Me and my sister used to force our parents to watch our ‘concerts’, our mom loved it, but dad was too drunk or mean to care.”

Mai stared at him for a while. She wasn’t upset but not happy either. She had a pretty good poker face.

“Do you know what the song is about?”

Zuko was confused by the question. “Well, yeah.”

“A same sex attraction from one man to another.” She sounded like a teacher, dictating to her young pupil.

“Everyone knows that Morrissey is laid that way… I think?” Zuko tried to understand were she was coming from.

“Oh, right. But you aren’t, right?” Mai was coming off across sarcastic with all of her intentions.

“No… No, what the hell Mai?”

“I just wondered why you changed the pronouns.” Mai said with a smile.

And then it hit him. He had sung a song about dominating someone sexually to her. If there was a moment to drop dead on his knees this was the perfect time.

Mai wasn’t smiling anymore, she didn’t look upset either, but she secretly enjoyed seeing him flustered.

“I should leave.” Zuko said and put on his heart, his hair still wet.

“Maybe you should.”

As Zuko was headed out Mai tugged on his shirt. “You know, I had fun today. You’re a good friend, Zuko.”

 _You had fun until I messed it up,_ he thought. Zuko smiled. “Ditto.”

They said their goodbyes and as soon as she closed the door. She pressed her back on the wall and let out a small laughter.

_He likes me. I know he likes me. He really likes me._

 

*

_I’m such a fucking tool. She must know how I feel and she sees me as a friend._

Yet it had warmed his heart how she had smiled even if it was for a short while. A warm wave was conquering his body and it was only because of the thought of her. Even if it pained him that she was only going to view him as a friend, he’d still want her to be around him. He longed for the next time he could see her again and be with her. Until Zhao would be back.

 

 


	6. Dance Me to the End of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW.  
> Spoiler they do it even though they shouldn't do it. they do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I couldn't find the file but I did and I think I'll have to rewrite chapters because my old laptop is being annoying. I was supposed to post this chapter yesterday lol. I apologize beforehand I am a bad christian lol.

She knew what she was doing was wrong. She had taken an oath to be a faithful and dutiful wife, but she hardly could have understood the meaning of those words when she made the oath. She wedded a week before her 18th birthday and the day after their wedding night, she felt as if her whole world had ended.

Those dreams of romance had died with the young girl she once was. But she was still hungry for some kind of connection on the intimate level. Something her own husband could never fulfill for her.

She decided to listen to the full song Zuko had serenaded her with. She couldn’t stop laughing to herself how ridiculous and fun he had been. How he blushed, and she just felt like kissing his red cheeks.

But she knew better. She must know better and keep it platonic as possible.

She was lying on the old couch and lightened a cigarette. What a disgusting habit it was but Zhao wasn’t here to yell at her or to tell her to do things. She had the chance to finally exhale, to read her books, listen to her music whenever she wanted, and the best thing was to practice her knife throwing. She knew Zuko had a dartboard hanging on his balcony and decided to make the most of it.

She knew her days of freedom were numbered but a part of her couldn’t care. She hated dreading about anything that wasn’t in the now. So, she thought about Zuko. What a silly boy that man was. She had come to like him very much despite her first impression of him. And she knew now he liked her. He liked her a lot and it pleased her to know.

She wanted to fight her own urges but at the same time she knew she couldn’t. By morals, she should stop thinking such thoughts about Zuko, but she also never considered herself of great moral character.

 

*

 

His uncle was humming an old love hymn and Zuko wanted to rip his own ears apart. He noticed his uncle getting louder and louder until Zuko reached his breaking point.

“Could you…! I mean, could you take it down a bit?” Zuko said, trying to finish his breakfast with his uncle.

Iroh chuckled lightly and Zuko couldn’t understand what was funny.

“What are you laughing about uncle?”

“Oh, nothing. Maybe about the wayward ways of the youth.” Iroh smiled and making Zuko wonder what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?”

“Your home is somewhat cleaned up, you finally got yourself a haircut. Do I suspect a certain lady friend in your life?”

Zuko was close to choking on his tea. “N-No. What? No.”

Iroh wasn’t buying it. He knew his nephew better, but he also knew not to pester him with such questions.

Zuko didn’t want to be reminded of it. What a fool he was to have fallen for her. He could have told himself she was nothing and if he was just horny for a fuck he could have had her and be done with it.

But he wasn’t.

What he felt for her was deeper. If he’s a volcano, she’s a tornado. If he’s one step ahead, she doubles it.

_And I have hurt so many people in my life. I can’t go on. Not with her._

He couldn’t lie, he saw a lot of himself in her but also a lot of things he clearly lacked.

“Ah, remember.” Iroh swallowed the last of his breakfast before continuing. “Remember our new customer? Lanky young woman? Very dark hair and with a non-gregarious way about her?”

Zuko knew he was talking about Mai.

“No. I don’t.” Zuko said, almost defensive.

“Oh well. Let me freshen up your memory my dear nephew. She’s our new neighbor as well! Mrs. Zhao to be precise.”

Zuko felt a strange pain in his throat as he heard his uncle utter the words _Mrs. Zhao._ He tried remaining composed as he almost choked on nothing but the air inside of him.

“R-Really?”

“Yes!” Uncle beamed with delight. “I was thinking, we should invite them for a nice dinner.”

_I’d rather stab myself with a hedge cutter._

“Zhao has been away for a day or so. He’s on some business trip.” Zuko felt he was giving away too much information after uttering those sentences.

“I know. She told me.”

“You talked to her?!” Zuko tried to calm himself down. “…You’ve talked…?”

“I did. Almost strangely polite but very reserved. She’s coming.”

What in the world could have possessed her to agree to that? Was this her way of torturing him as payback?

He felt excited to see her again, but it wasn’t for any of the right reasons. Uncle kept speaking of how good friends they would become; how close they are in age and what a wonderful time they would have together.

*

 

And the dreaded day came. Zuko was relieved the event was to take place in uncle’s very Zen home but he was still hesitant to go.

“I have nothing to wear. I won’t go.” Zuko said harshly.

“Perhaps something clean?”

Zuko frowned. Knowingly he behaved like a child throwing a tantrum. He was conflicted about seeing her again. He now knew his feelings for her weren’t platonic. He shouldn’t indulge himself in such ways and keeping his distance from her was the only way to not think perverse thoughts.

“I know.” His uncle was too kind and Zuko knew he often didn’t deserve his time and care. “I have a clean suit you could borrow.”

“We both know it wouldn’t fit me, uncle.”

Iroh looked saddened. But he was not giving up easy. He gave his nephew money for him to buy himself a new suit.

He had always been good to him. Ever since he was a little boy he always made it his way and duty to make Zuko feel better about himself and let him enjoy the little things in life. In him, Zuko saw the father he never had.

And the feelings of guilt tampered with him. He didn’t deserve the money or the suit, but he felt he had to do it for his uncle. Just give him the night he could enjoy his role as a dinner host.

Zuko promised himself to make it back before Mai could come and with that, he went to the cheapest rental store he could find.

The neon lights flickered through his face and he tried to make his mind go complete blank. He thought of his life choices, his life and everything that had led up to that very moment, of him standing in line to get a cheap rental suit.

And he thought about his inconsequential existence. Why was he born into a life like this? His twisted way of having his father’s love and approval, how he had looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places and how his father had disapproved his significant other, the girl he had loved and lost. His father had hurt so many people, he’d taken away the innocence of his children, the innocent soul of his son’s lover. He was nothing but a wretched predator and abuser, but he was still his father. He shared something with him, something that was clenched deep in his core. It wasn’t good nor was it bad, but it was his determination. His father had the determination and strength of a thousand.

Zuko had it too but Zuko also had the urges he seldom couldn’t control. His father had the urge to hurt others and he had the urge to hurt himself.

And now he came to a point. He was hurting himself by giving into his urges to love again. And he loved the wrong person.

Or, a love for satisfying himself with the wrong person.

Whatever it was, her presence was a distraction. He was determined to not be broken down again.

His thoughts faded as soon he got the suit and he hurried himself back to get changed and play the false role of a dinner guest at his uncle’s home.

He felt like a fool in the damn suit and he was sure someone had died in it. He tried his best to do something about his hair and he took the close to empty cologne bottle, smashed it onto the sink and pressed his fingers on the liquid and patted his neck.

The suit was pitch black except for the white shirt it came with, it looked wrinkled up and Zuko felt he had been tricked but it was too late to do something about it. He still wore his black jeans as he got up the stairs in utter stress to his uncle’s apartment.

Zuko didn’t bother to knock on the door but jerked it open.

“I’m back now. With a suit. An ugly suit. I don’t know why we have to dress up like some idiots but here I am!”  Zuko called out with cold and bitter tone.

“Hello Zuzu.”

No one had called him that in ages. He turned in his head in shock only to find his uncle and Mai sitting close together, sharing a drink and past tales.

Mai’s mouth curved into a smile and her eyes glimmered. Zuko had never seen her revealing this much skin before. She was wearing a simple black dress and with that exposed her shoulders and collarbone down to a bit of cleavage.

“We were sharing stories of our pasts.” Uncle said and poured wine with a tender smile. “Did you know Mrs. Zhao is an excellent knife-thrower and dart player?”

“Please, call me Mai.” She said in her monotonic voice. She let out a half smile as Zuko sat next to them. He was far from amused and whatever it was his uncle had told her about him, he surely did not want to know.

Zuko tried his best not to make too much eyes on Mai. She looked different but also the same. He had only seen her being covered up and the only time he had seen with exposed legs, she was bruised. The bruises seemed to be gone or maybe covered with something else.

“Tell me about your family.” Uncle Iroh had asked her as the dinner was finally prepared in front of them.

Mai sensed Zuko’s eyes on her. He was trying to be discrete, but she knew he was listening carefully.

“I guess you mean, my father and mother? Well, my father’s name is Ukano and my mother’s name is Michi. I have a little brother too.”

She had never mentioned a brother Zuko noticed.

“Zuko has a little sister. Only 2 years between them.”

“Really?” Mai side eyed Zuko with a small grin as she sipped on her wine. “Then she’s my age. My brother is 13 years younger than me.”

Zuko said, again, nothing. He tried to distract himself, but he couldn’t help his eyes wandering away and settling on Mai and her body. Her skin looked soft and smooth, how her breasts slowly raised up and then down with every sigh. He imagined his hands on them, pulling down her dress…

Mai started to take notice than whenever she spoke, Zuko’s eyes were going in another direction. She let him know by giving him a small kick in the leg.

The kick wasn’t hard but enough for Zuko to react and blushed, but he tried his best to keep his calm as he clenched his jaw.

As the dinner progressed, Mai couldn’t help but notice how sweet the relationship between uncle and nephew. How Iroh beamed with pride when he spoke of Zuko’s achievements from childhood to adulthood.

“He’s a wonderful artist. He draws, writes and sings!”

“Uncle please…” Zuko smiled with his head titled down.

“I think I’ve heard it before.” Mai started to tease him. “I could hear it clearly from my living room.”

Zuko couldn’t get any more annoyed at this point but he maintained relaxing calm which hid a brewing storm.

“A lot could be heard from my place.” He said and drank his wine. “Including you.” He mumbled the last line.

“Excuse me?” Mai said, and her piercing eyes struck him. “I didn’t really get the last part.” Her smile was clear, and she wasn’t trying to be subtle about it. It wasn’t genuine and Zuko figured she was apparently offended.

Zuko had to thank the timing of his uncle when he interrupted the small but growing tension.

“I remembered. I have cake from yesterday and with some of my green tea, it would make wonders for everyone!”

“I would love to but, Mr.…”

“Call me Iroh. Or Uncle Iroh, that’s what my closest customers back at the shop call me.”

“Well then… Uncle Iroh.” Mai continued. “I wish I could stay longer but I have to call it a night.” Mai forced a smile.

“Oh, I understand.” Iroh said, a bit saddened she was leaving but he was happy she had joined them for dinner.

“I think I should hit the sack too uncle.” Zuko said with a yawn.

“Then you could escort Mai, like a true gentleman.”

Mai felt like laughing but she remained intact and stayed calm with almost to no expression. Meanwhile Zuko looked like something in his face was twitching.

“Sure… Uncle.” Zuko said, following Mai out.

“Thank you for your kind hospitality and an exquisite dinner.” Mai said, poking her head out from the door before Zuko gently pushed her out the way.

“What’s the matter with you?” Mai asked him after he closed the door.

“You were standing in my way? What was I supposed to do?”

Mai rolled her eyes and her mouth was set in a hard line. She didn’t feel like speaking anymore to him, even if she had wanted to.

“Where are you going?” Zuko asked.

“Obviously I’m going home.”

“Are you mad?”

“I’m don’t exactly get mad when people behave like jerks to me but more upset.” Mai said, turning around to see him in the awful suit he was wearing. It didn’t look ironed at all and had a weird fit.

“I’m sorry…”

“That doesn’t make a world of difference.” She scowled.

Zuko had enough of this. He liked her but not like this.

“You’re not the only one who can tease someone and get away with it.”

“Oh really? When I teased you, it came from a good place but you… Ugh, you’re nasty and in front of your own uncle.”

“Please, the old man is almost hard of hearing. I doubt he heard. I doubt he would hear you from my room.”

“Ha…Ha.” Mai said.” You couldn’t pull it through even if you tried.”

_Is that a challenge?_

Zuko chuckled.

“You’re cute when you get angry.” He said as she was heading towards her door.

Mai knew he was looking at her up and down.

_He thinks he’s so smart and clever._

Mai turned around, pressing her back against the door.

“I wish I could say the same about you.” Her voice got soother. She wasn’t upset anymore.

Zuko walked up to her, slowly with a devilish smile. “I think you’re doing this on purpose.”

“Doing what exactly?”

“Don’t act foolish Mai. I know how some of you girls’ act.”

Mai raised one eyebrow. Impressed that he had found the strength to speak to her like that. “Tell me… Zuko. How do I act?” She whispered, feeling him close to her.

_Your old man of a husband can’t fuck you properly and now you’re looking for satisfaction somewhere else which is why you’re being a tease right now._

Zuko said nothing. He was about turn around, but Mai stopped him.

Mai wouldn’t admit it, but she liked feeling his body heat close to her. “Are you still tired or was that just an excuse to follow me?”

“I was getting tired but strangely, I feel very awakened.”

A small smile was turning up on her lips. “Would you like to join me for some midnight tea?”

He was being tested, he knew he was. He had promised himself to stay away from her, but he was conflicted by his determination of staying away and having her.

“Tea sounds good.” He said. _Remember Zuko, only tea. Nothing else._

So, he let his guard down for a while and followed her in.

Mai, still in her black dress, was preparing tea while Zuko was sitting down on the couch, loosing up his tie and took a deep breath.

“Your uncle is very nice.” She said and served him a cup.

“He’s the best man I’ve ever known.”

“It’s good that you have that kind of relationship. I wish I had a parental figure in my life right now.” Mai said, glancing down his loosened-up tie and how his black jeans didn’t go with the rest of the outfit. He looked like a mess but that’s how she liked it.

“My uncle seems to really like you.” Zuko said, thinking his comment would be any comfort to her.

Mai faked another smile. “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not that kind of girl people just like, you know?”

“I like you.” Zuko blurted out. He couldn’t take it back even if he wanted to.

Mai’s face went soft and her cheeks got rosy. She looked away and tried to distract them both. “You’re a good singer actually. I’m not saying that because… well, you know.” She was never good with her own words. “I just think you have a nice singing voice.”

It made him happy to hear that.  Happy that someone else besides his uncle thinks he’s good at something.

Something kicked in him, maybe it was the wine, but with the moonlight through the window hitting her he saw her eyes light up and it highlighted her lips in an erotic manner.

He thought about leaning in to kiss her. If he could get away with it or if she would push him away. He felt a certain animalistic instinct enter him.

_Maybe she wants it. She’s a tease anyway and if I held her tightly, pushing her down to the couch and kissed her morphine lips until she’s gasping._

 

*

Mai suddenly got up from the couch after finishing her tea. She didn’t want him to leave just yet, but she knew she was walking on thin ice.

“How about some music?” She said with her back turned against him. She had been listening to the same record all day and the urge came back right at that moment.

“M-music?” Zuko asked, nervously.

“It feels like a right time; don’t you think so?”

_Perhaps he says no. But he won’t. He really wants to be a gentleman about it but there’s nothing gentle about people like us._

Zuko nodded, much to Mai’s surprise.

_Whatever Zhao won’t know about, won’t hurt._

The record started playing and Zuko felt as if his feet were no longer his own. Mai sensed he was struggling with himself.

“It’s not really the girl’s job to ask for a dance.” She grinned and pulled Zuko’s hand.

“I-I can’t really dance.” Zuko said, turning red as his eyes fixated on their feet. He didn’t want to step on hers.

Mai held on to his arms and kicked off her heels and placed her feet on top of his. “Just act as if you do.”

They both knew they were pushing it already and the choice of music playing around them didn’t help either. Suddenly he became calmer and couldn’t stop moving. Mai laid her head on his shoulder as he placed his hands on her back.

The music was a trance itself and the words of Cohen echoed in their ears.

 

**_Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin_ **

**_Dance me through the panic ‘til I’m gathered safely in_ **

**_Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove._ **

**_Dance me to the end of love_ **

**_Dance me to the end of love._ **

****

**_Oh, let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone_ **

**_Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon_ **

**_Show me slowly what I only know the limits of_ **

**_Dance me to the end of love_ **

**_Dance me to the of love._ **

****

The scent of his cologne had her bury herself deeper into his neck.

_I should have stopped while I still could. I know he wants this as much as I do but he’s afraid. Of what, I am not sure of._

Zuko gripped her dress harder as he moved along the song. The scent of her hair was enough to drive any man crazy with lust.

“You look really beautiful tonight.” He mumbled as he held onto her.

Mai pulled herself away from his neck, she looked stunned and close to worried. “You really think so?” She whispered.

“Uh, yes? Is there something wrong with that?” Zuko’s voice was shaking.

 _Yes, there’s something really wrong with that_ , Mai thought. She had never considered herself beautiful but hearing it from him, she could almost believe him.

“Thank you.” She played with his collar. “You don’t look bad either.”

Zuko’s smile could lighten up a room and it was the warmest smile she had ever seen. She still thought of him as a silly little disheveled man. There was an energy to him that intrigued her.

She should have seen it coming. Zuko, without thinking, had come for her lips and kissed her with a tender hardness.

Her first reaction was to push him down the couch.

It finally hit Zuko what he had done. The shame inside of him conquered his whole being. Mai shut the music down and stared bewildered at him.

“I’m… so sorry.” His voice was failing him.

She said nothing, she was left in utter shock. _He really pulled me into a kiss. He kissed me._

“I am such a fucking tool.” He said with his face buried into his hands. “Why did I come here?”

“You kissed me…” Mai said, her eyes were too intense for him to even look at.

Zuko got defensive. “You think it is easy? The way you suddenly act? Look, I don’t know what is going on in your life with that husband of yours, but I don’t want to get dragged into it…”

“Then why did you kiss me?” Mai said, she looked frustrated and agitated.

“You’re just a tease. I’ve met girls you before. You ruin the lives of ordinary men and somehow get away with it.”

His words struck Mai with pain. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Zuko.”

He looked up at her. God, she was truly beautiful and with that look on her face, she was almost intimidating.

“Is that so?” He got up, ready to leave.

“Don’t leave…” Mai’s lower lip trembled when she spoke. “Your life is just as ruined as mine, it doesn’t really matter at this point.”

Zuko stopped himself. He couldn’t figure her out. “What are you talking about?”

“I guess what I’m trying to say… I didn’t mind the kiss. I wasn’t just prepared it would happen right there and then.”

Zuko felt a relief inside of him. “It wasn’t right, still.”

_I have been in the mood for love ever since you spoke to me or showed a slightest caring thought for me. Nothing is right between us, but I don’t mind being wrong for one single night._

“Trust me… There’s nothing right about me.” She took his hand and led him back to the couch. “Please wait.”

Mai went right to her bedroom. She felt disloyal, wrong and shocked by her decadent behavior. She had never been allowed to make a mistake in her life but never had something so wrong felt so right before.

 

Zuko felt as if he should have run for the door a long time ago but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to leave until he saw her again.

And he knew deep inside he had wanted her for a time, but he knew the way they were going was wrong.

Suddenly he noticed her shadow closing in on him and he looked up and saw her, the light from the busy streets bounced on her pale skin and Zuko realized she was standing in front of him nude.

_What is she doing…_

Zuko tried to maintain his composure but it was too noticeable that his face was turning crimson and he started to breathe heavily.

Mai looked as if nothing was wrong with what she was doing but inside her mind she was struggling intensely.

“Y-You’re naked…” Zuko mumbled, trying not stare too hard at her nakedness

“Don’t you like it?” Mai started to blush. She had collected all of her courage into this and even if it was out of her element, she wanted him to look at her, but he was being too awkward even for her.

“I do…” He quickly forgot what was deemed appropriate or not. He threw away all of his uncle’s teachings and wisdoms in a matter of seconds as he got up from the couch and admired her figure. The forbidden fruit was always the sweetest.

He let his hands touch her arms down to her hips and he noticed a few bruises left on her body. Purple and yet yellow-ish bruises on her hips and her back.

Mai’s hair had fallen down over her breasts, covering them from his eyes. He lifted her hair away from them, exposing her in front of him. Mai was still looking at him and only him.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this.” He said with a chuckle as he let his fingers explore her chest.

“I know.” Her voice was calm, maybe even too calm. He needed that calming reassurance. She pulled him by his collar into another kiss which led to another and to another. It was strange yet exciting to have another man’s wife in his home but Zuko didn’t seem to mind it.

He eagerly carried her into his arms as their kisses grew with intense passion. He found himself inside the bedroom and Mai had him laying on the bed. She fumbled with his belt and had him lay still while placing one hand on his abdomen.

When he was finally free from the belt and his pants that were now down to his ankles. Mai had never done this before, not even in the privacy with her own husband. She had always been the one to lay still and have the man do his business on her. She felt in control now. The way she had always felt most comfortable in.

Zuko felt a shiver going down his spine as she took him inside her mouth. He looked on as her lips had wrapped around his cock. He let out a groan of satisfaction as she was performing fellatio.

He grabbed her by the hair as she was performing a lover’s duty on him.

“Look at me.” He said.

Mai’s eyes went up to see his. Her makeup had started to run down her face and she still looked mesmerizing.

He lifted her head and looked right into her eyes. “Do you really want to do this?”

_I can’t stop now, and I don’t want to stop._

“I never wanted anything more than this.” She whispered into his ear. “I want you.”

Zuko didn’t care for the suit he was wearing and threw it all down the floor before pinning her down to the bed.

Their tongues met for another dance and Mai felt his throbbing cock on her abdomen and his wet kisses on her lips. The raspy sensation of his stubble on her skin was filling her with more lust for him.

She felt his fingers and tongue entering her while one hand was fondling her breast. She had never felt this way before and she didn’t expect it to feel this good. Her mother had ‘the talk’ with her but it had mostly been about how it would always hurt her, and it is the woman’s job to keep her husband satisfied in order for him to be good to her. But this wasn’t hurting her. She felt far from what she had been taught to feel.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Zuko said as he penetrated her. He let his fingers inside her mouth as he thrusted inside her. He wanted her to taste herself. He kissed her again as she wrapped her legs around him.

Mai’s breathing got heavier for every thrust and in retaliation she dug her nails into his skin. Zuko responded with going faster. “You’re gorgeous in this light, babe.”

Mai’s face red of pleasure and she knew how she looked like. She gave him a crooked smile as he spoke sweet nothings into her ear.

The bed was making a creaking noise as they were making love and Zuko didn’t want the night to end.

“Tell Zhao to get a new bed.” Zuko said, panting into Mai’s ear.

“Stop… talking… about him…” Mai moaned.

Zuko grinned and kissed her neck and down to her breasts. He let out another groan as he sucked on her skin.

Mai remembered how she had stopped being on the pill because of Zhao forcing her to have a child.

“I-I… I forgot protection.” Zuko said with a heavy voice. He stopped thrusting but wouldn’t pull out.

“Baby, I don’t care.” She kissed him and pulled him closer to her. Their naked bodies were pushed into each other. Zuko kept thrusting even harder and faster than before. She had tried to keep herself quiet but she was moaning his name over and over again until she was almost screaming.  

They came together, and she felt him coming inside of her. His seed filling her up.

Zuko collapsed of exhaustion. His conflicting feelings were no longer struggling inside of him.

“I love you…” Zuko mumbled as he played with a lock of her hair.

Mai wasn’t ready for that comment. She didn’t respond, and she didn’t want to respond to him. She acted as if she hadn’t heard him but she cuddled closer to him before falling asleep in his arms.

 

 


	7. The Chain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. Description of a violent act. Probably one of the hardest chapters to write (i don't really like writing like this but oh well) and it didn't really have a chapter name so I just added something to it.
> 
> I made a few changes from my original idea because some files are ruined or I can't find them. It's still going the way I wanted it to go but with a minor changes. Nothing big. The fanfic is close to its end soon.

He had to ruin it with the ‘I love you’ comment. She hadn’t cared about her infidelity until then but now there was no going back. She couldn’t help she was having feelings for him too but there was no use in uttering those words like he did.

_He’s not really in love with me. I’m too easy for him to love._

His strong arms were around her, making it difficult for her to move away from him.

“Where are you going?” He mumbled and watched her walk away from the bed with sleepy eyes.

“The shower. Do you want to come?” Mai asked through the door.

“Aren’t showers for getting cleaned?” He chuckled.

Mai rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breathe. Zuko followed her to the restroom with a grin that could only be translated as something devilish.

He gave her a spank on the behind as he made his way to the toilet.

“Have you thought about what we should do after all of this?” Zuko said, doing his business.

Mai looked over at him. There was nothing more gross than to watch a man pee standing but his physique made it impossible to look away.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mai said inside the shower.

“But I do.” Zuko said and walked into the shower. Mai could feel his heat behind her and his hands on her body.

“What are you doing?” Mai asked him.

“Tell me to stop if you don’t like it.” His hands explored her hips and her buttocks.

Mai chuckled lightly as he pushed himself behind her. He freed one hand and grabbed her softly by the throat and pulled her into a kiss as the other hand was pleasuring her.

“I have wanted you since the first time I saw you through the window.” He whispered as he fingered her.

Mai said nothing through her heavy panting’s. As their eyes met another kiss was ignited, heavier than the one before.

“You want me?” Mai said through heavy breathings as he let his cock slide inside of her.

“Yes…” He said, thrusting in to her. He held her by the throat and squeezed her breast. He felt the walls inside of her tighten around him. He flipped her over and her back was facing the wall. Seeing her face turn red as he fucked her made him keep going. He didn’t mind the pouring water. “I’ve wanted you for a long time.”

His arms held her up and made her lean against the cold ceramic wall. Her arms around his neck and she pulled him closer for another make out session.

She had never felt sought out after nor wanted by anyone ever in her life. He was fulfilling something she had always missed in her life.

She heard the phone from the living room ring.

“I have… to… take it…”

“Fuck it…” Zuko said as he kept kissing her while still thrusting deeply.

Mai didn’t want to take the call, but she was reminded by herself who it could be.

“It might be Zhao…”

Zuko sighed, disappointed, he pulled out and let her go. Mai skipped out of the shower in a bath robe. Before completely leaving the bathroom, she kissed Zuko and went to answer the phone.

And she was right, it was Zhao.

“Why are you not answering the phone immediately?” Zhao was heard growling

“I was in the shower.” Mai said, calmly. At least she was not lying.

“Have you missed me?”

Mai didn’t care to answer his question but followed it up with a question from her. “When will you be back?”

“In about 2 days?” Zhao said. There was a short yet awkward pause between them. “I’ve missed you.”

Mai let out a mumble. She knew what this meant. She had to end her frivolous time with Zuko and even if she dreaded it, it had to happen.

Zuko came out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. “Was it him?”

Mai stayed silent, but her silence spoke volumes and answered his question. He sat down besides but he felt more as if he was falling.

 _I should have followed my gut feeling from the beginning,_ he thought. _But it is too late. I can’t go back._

“Whatever happens after this… We can never talk about it.” Mai said and turned to him. “You understand that do you?”

Zuko nodded, reluctantly, but he understood her. “I guess this is our last time together?”

“We could probably make the best of it.” Mai said and leaned her head against Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko felt her hand on his leg, moving closer underneath the towel. He grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye.

“I think it’s time to stop…”

Mai pulled away from him the instance. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

Zuko wasn’t feeling any anger but he was upset. Not at her but at the situation. He really came to like her.

“Maybe you should leave.” She said, without looking at him. She got up from the couch and tightened her robes.

Zuko wanted to say something but he knew there was no time. He got his clothes and his thing and was making his way out, but his mind was rushing with things to say. She didn’t seem to be wanting to hear anything he had wanted to say. She had her back against him and he thought about embracing her. To tell her he knew she wasn’t happy.

 

Mai didn’t want to look at him. It was too painful to look into his eyes, but she had to face the facts and the fun was over. She convinced herself she felt nothing, and it was easier on her part to say goodbye. What a wicked excuse for a girl she was. She was ready throw her own feelings and his feelings for her away.

“Is this goodbye?” Zuko was heard saying before he closed the door.

_Only if you want it to be._

“Yes. Don’t you think it is appropriate? We had our fun and all fun things must come to an end.” Mai said. She noticed he wasn’t leaving which had her more upset. “You said it yourself it was time to stop. Why are you still standing here?”

“I just want to talk…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She sounded anxious with her trembling voice. “Just leave!”

“Oh, but there is. You think it will be easy for me to see you with your husband after our time together? I know you don’t like him. I know what he does to you.” Zuko wasn’t ready to leave and closed the door. He had enough of her games.

“You don’t know anything. You got to fuck me twice now, what else do you want? Isn’t that good enough for a man?”

Zuko wasn’t going to let his anger get the best of him. “I want you…”

“You had me. Now it’s over. Goodbye.” Mai said, it felt like knives were going through her.

“This meant nothing to you? You only used me to get back at Zhao?”

The tears were building up in Mai’s eyes. She kept her frown as he spoke, and she knew whatever she was going to say to him in that moment, she would be full of regret later on.

“Yes. I did!”

“I guess other people don’t mean shit to you. You are nothing, but a miserable bitch and you are the only one responsible for being that way!” Zuko said with fury. His tears running down his face as he slammed the door on her.

Mai hated herself. She absolutely loathed herself and she knew Zuko was right about her. She didn’t want him to leave but it had to be end, for the sake of both of them. They had to continue their lives as if nothing had happened.

 

*

 

Zuko went back to his misery. He doubled up on the alcohol and with the smokes. He did everything to forget her and that was to become his endless mission. _Perhaps_ , he thought. _Perhaps I was too rough. I should apologize._

Then he came back to his senses and there was nothing to apologize about. She played him. She used him. Still, he felt awful calling her a bitch.

_Even if a girl is a bitch, no girl wants to hear that from a man._

He could have said something worse but what good would it do? He still liked her.

Uncle Iroh came to visit him and he was perplexed by the regression Zuko had made.

“I guess your time with your latest lady-friend has ended…”

“Ha… Ha… You want a beer?”

“Drowning your sorrows with drink.” Iroh shook his head. “I knew a man who once did that. It ruined him forever.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “And that man’s name was Ozai and he had two equally fucked up kids…” He said sarcastically.

“Actually, no. It was an old college roommate.” Iroh chuckled as he remembered his youth. “Quite the beard you are sporting.” Iroh gestured to the stubble Zuko was growing.

“Uncle… What do you want?” Zuko said and laid down on his couch-bed.

“Ah, well. I had tried to get a hold of you ever since our dinner with Mrs. Zhao and you weren’t home.”

Zuko cringed at the mention of _Mrs. Zhao._ “I was busy.” He was staring up at the wall. Reminiscing his night with Mai. He missed her hair in his hands, feeling her naked body against his and tasting her…

“Zuko?” His uncle woke him up from his day dreaming. “I was going to ask you for help with the teashop.” Iroh asked but changed his mind. “Or, take your time. Do whatever that makes you happy.” He gave Zuko a nervous smile.

_Nothing makes me happy anymore._

Zuko went on with his drinking until he fell asleep, continuing to day dream about her.

 

Mai paced through the small apartment. The self-hatred was seething inside of her as her restlessness grew. She looked over at Zuko’s balcony. He had taken down his dartboard with her homemade darts. She wondered where he had put it. Was every memory of her too hurtful for him? She wanted to leave. She couldn’t stand being held in the same building as him. Even if she wanted to be in his arms she hated thinking about him. Hating the thought of him made her hate herself.

The door behind her opened with a slam. She turned around in a silent shock.

“Zhao?”

“I’m home!” He announced and threw his jacket on the floor. “What a shit trip.”

“I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow.” Mai said, unfazed by his presence yet she felt a certain anxiousness.

“Well.” He was clearly annoyed. “I’m here.” He gave her a forceful kiss and she could taste the mixture of alcohol and tobacco on his lips. “I’ve missed that sweet little ass.”

Mai didn’t want to be touched. Especially not by him. She knew what he wanted, and he expected her to give it to him like any dutiful wife would.

“Get into the bedroom. Wait for me there.” He said and started to unbuckle his pants.

Mai let out a frustrated sigh but made no movement.

“What? Are you deaf? Go and lie down right now.” He said, looking down at her. Berating her as if she was a spoiled child.

“No.” Mai said. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Mood?” He blinked twice and looked surprised. “What are in the mood for? When are you going to be in the mood for being a dutiful wife? I’ve been busting my ass for a week just to support your ungrateful ass.” Zhao raised his finger at her, scolding her with furious eyes.

Mai kept her posture and face intact. “I have a headache.”

“You better get that out of your head. I’m taking a shower and when I’m done I want to see you on that bed with your legs spread.”

Mai didn’t move. She didn’t make a face but a face of utter disgust and subtle anger. She turned her back against Zhao as he walked into the shower. She had no intention of following his orders.

And then another loud slam was heard. Zhao was yelling her name.

“What?” She sighed and walked in to the bathroom.

Zhao looked furious as he held two bottles of his special shampoo. One empty bottle and another full yet used. “Care to explain?”

“I replaced a shampoo bottle but forgot to throw away the empty one?” Mai answered him.

Zhao had enough of her carefree attitude and threw bottles at her. Mai was quick on her feet and ducked them both.

“What’s the matter with you?!”

“Me?!” Zhao roared in her face. “You think I’m that stupid? SOMEONE HAS USED THE NEW BOTTLE. THE LID IS OPEN!” He grabbed Mai by the arm and shoved her against the wall. “You’ve had someone over… And they stayed long enough to take a shower and use my fucking bottle…” His low voice sounded terrifying, but Mai wasn’t going to let him see fear in her eyes.

“You’re just paranoid…” She said, trying to get away from his grip.

He shoved her head against the wall. “Am I? Or am I married to a fucking whore?” He forced his fingers into the skin of her arms.

“Stop it! You’re hurting me!”

Without hesitation he threw her against the floor. He walked over her and put on her music. “I don’t want the neighbors to hear this.” He said in a coldblooded manner.

Mai looked up at him with fury as he grabbed her by the throat. She spit in his face which was enough for him to go berserk on her.

He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the bedroom.

The song playing in the background was Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain. Mai tried to force her away from him, but he was faster and stronger. Suddenly she felt her broken pieces of a mirror piercing her face. Zhao had shoved her head into the bedroom mirror. Mai felt the blood running down and tried her best to get up on her feet.

He was quick to knock her down to the floor.

“I hate you for making me do this.” He mumbled and slammed her head into the floor several times.

She tried to reach for the biggest broken piece of the mirror, but the blood was making her hard to see.

“After all I’ve done for you!” Zhao yelled and kicked her as she was lying down. “You’re breaking my heart, Mai.” Zhao said, sounding horrifyingly calm.

Mai felt his knees on the back of her knee joints and it was then she realized the pain she was in.

Having gotten her head slammed into the hard floor had made her dizzy and she figured in a split second her nose must have gotten fractured. When she felt his hands inside her pants she started to panic. She couldn’t make a sound but tried to crawl with no avail.

“I think it’s time I forgive you…” Zhao said and forced her black jeans down, exposing her.

Mai started to scream but he kept hitting her and he started forcing himself on her and she could do nothing but to scream louder and louder.

He put his hand in front of her mouth to muffle her screams as he kept going.

“This will teach you a lesson…” He growled as he went inside her.

The pain was excruciating, and she felt as if she was tied to the ground with his massive weight on top of her. She had never prayed to God before in her life but in that moment, she wanted any higher power to strike her dead right in that moment.

Another violent thrust and the tears were building up in her eyes and she tried to plead with him to stop.

“You’ll take it up your sweet little...” He couldn’t finish his sentence as Mai was still struggling through her muffled screams. He sounded almost like a drunken demon, his voice wasn’t even his own.

He kept violently thrusting in her in order to stop her crying.

_God, kill me. Kill me now._

When the opportunity came she took it and managed to bite his hand deep it punctured his skin.

Zhao let out a roar and pulled his hand away from her mouth. The record had stopped playing for some reason and Mai let out another scream.

 

*

 

Zuko was awoken by screams. He first thought he was relieving a childhood memory in the form of a nightmare, but the screams continued even when he was clearly awake.

“Probably some lady getting her purse stolen.” He said and looked out of the window, nothing to support his claim and the loud noises became clearer to him. A loud thud was heard, and it came from the building. He went out to the balcony and there was nothing he could see but the sound seemed to come from Mai’s.

Unpleasant shivers went down his spine and without thinking ahead, he hurried himself over to Mai. All his ill-feelings and dislike were forgotten as he knocked frantically on her door.

It took a while and the door was unlocked. Opened halfway and Zuko saw Zhao standing in front of him.

“Zuko! What can I do for you?” Zhao said, looking at Zuko with bewildered eyes. His voice sounded hoarse.

“I was going to see… I was wondering if you heard the screams?” Zuko said, he felt a certain agitation in seeing Zhao standing in front of him.

“Screams?” Zhao raised one eyebrow. “No, must have been some kids playing.” Zhao said sharply.

Zuko noticed droplets of blood behind Zhao and the wounded hand of Zhao. Zuko felt something twitch inside of him.

“Where’s Mai?” He asked without thinking ahead. His eyes were fixated at Zhao’s hand.

Zhao studied Zuko with a careful eye. Zhao wondered perhaps why he cared so much about Mai. Zhao looked down at Zuko and let out a small cackle.

“She’s alright if that’s what you’re wondering. She’s not home.” Zhao’s eyes followed Zuko’s and looked down at his hand. “This? I cut myself on a broken mirror. It’s nothing.”

 Zuko didn’t know if he could believe his words. He felt nothing but an intense dislike for Zhao, but he knew there wasn’t much he could do.

 

Mai was still lying down on the cold floor. She didn’t make a slight movement because she knew Zhao was still in the room with her.

He pulled up his pants and looked down at her with disgust. “Clean this up. I’m going out.” He left the apartment and slammed the door.

Mai grabbed the largest piece of the broken mirror as she got up from the floor. She was seething and threw herself into the shower. She wanted to let out another scream. Not a scream of fear and pain but a scream of rage. She felt nothing but abhorrence as she watched off the blood from her face. She had heard Zuko’s voice down the hall and she found herself thinking about him again. Hadn’t he been there she would perhaps be choking on her own blood or had she had any strength left to let out another scream he would have come running to her.

She looked at the large broken piece in her hand. She imagined forcing this piece into Zhao’s neck and leave him to bleed out.

She needed to leave him, she needed to leave the apartment and she told herself she couldn’t back down or look back.

_This place will be my death and there’s no one who can save me but myself. I have to leave._

Then the week passed, and Zhao wouldn’t even look at her. He didn’t spoke to her unless he was ordering her around.

“Fix yourself up. You look like a damn mess.” Zhao had said finally after ignoring her for 6 days.

Mai tried to hold back her anger and frown as she looked directly at him. Her face had begun to heal but she still felt sore.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Look, I’m sorry I let my anger get the best of me.”

Mai could smell the alcohol on him. Ever since his trip away he had gotten more drunk and mean about it. That wasn’t her main concern. Her main concern was to get rid off him for good.

“Maybe one day we’ll laugh about this.” Zhao said and turned on the TV. Mai said, again, nothing. She had started feel nauseous and she figured it was from seeing his ugly face.

Zhao started to get agitated by her presence around him. “I figure, you have learned your lesson… Go out. Stop bothering me, you’re a nuisance!”

Without a sound, she left the room to get her coat and sunglasses that covered her face.

Zhao looked at her as she was leaving. “Good for you. I guess those huge shades covers up the fact you’re not that pretty anymore.” He let out a gross laughter when Mai closed the door behind her.

She stood frozen right in front of Zuko’s door. Wishing she had the power to knock and hopefully he would be there. As she walked closely to his door something compelled her to walk away. She didn’t know why but she told herself it was for the best.

 

_Maybe if we had met in another universe. In another place and time, maybe it would have worked out. Maybe there was a future with both of us in it._

The nausea came back as she made her way down the stairs and a headache was caving in. She had to get away but how and where to, was still being contemplated.

On her way out the entrance door, she was greeted by Zuko’s uncle Iroh.

“Hello Mai!” The friendly man said. “I haven’t seen you in a while. It feels good to see you.”

Mai smiled. “Thank you. It’s nice to see you too.” She tried to sound as polite as possible, but she had no intention to stay and chat.

“I was wondering, I got the sense you and my nephew became very close…” Iroh started what Mai figured was going to be a long conversation.

_Thank whatever higher power there is he can’t see my face through the shades._

“Perhaps you would know. I’m a bit worried about him. I think he’s going through an emotional breakup with a lady-friend… Maybe he has mentioned something about it to you?”

Mai’s eye was twitching but Iroh couldn’t notice it. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked.” Mai said abruptly.

“Oh.” Iroh said with a certain sadness in his voice. “I’m worried about him. If you see him. Please tell him to call me.”

Mai nodded and forced a smile as she walked out. Feeling another build up of tears in her eyes.


	8. Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be an end soon to this angst party but these violent delights have violent endings. :')

When her mind was racing, struggling to make sense of things, she found herself in the park. Close by the fountain so she could hear the water pouring. It gave her some comfort, but her body was numb in shock. Shock for what happened to her. Zhao had been forceful before but never like that. He had done unspeakable things to her but the crucial beatings and the last straw… the last straw was the violation when he had ripped her pants off and assaulted her.

The word she was looking for was rape. What an ugly word that was.

She couldn’t say it much less thinking of the word. She never wanted Zhao and she never liked sleeping with him but that’s what wives do she thought. However, she never thought he would beat her bloody and with the blood gushing from her wounds still do that to her.

_He knows I’m unfaithful. Or was. Maybe or he is paranoid like all the time._

She went from horror to disgust and now to hatred. Deep seething hatred. Hatred she had to be humiliated like that. The whole building could have heard him doing that to her and heard her screams until they were muffled.

What happened once to the proud girl? Was she silenced by her peers and thus stopped speaking? Was she minimalized into nothing? Where is she?

_She’s dead. Like I am in the inside._

She wasn’t ready to go back home. She had no home anymore. If she saw Zhao again… It was either to kill or get killed. The thought of it had her tremble with anger.

 

*

 

He didn’t want to speak to anyone but to her and he knew Zhao was not to be trusted. Even if he was upset with her. He had to make sure she was okay.

Actually, he was still hurt by her, but he was swallowing his pride for once. He had ignored his uncle and everything else around him just to find her. And why was she so hard to find? She wasn’t anywhere close to the apartment building, she wasn’t near the tea shop and he knew she liked books, but she was far from the library. He even had tried to spy on Mai and Zhao with goggles through his window but there was nothing to imply she was there.

And Zuko felt like giving up.

And the pity party started, another can of alcohol and he found himself to be out of cigarettes. He let out a loud groan.

“It’s like the whole universe is fucking with me.” He said as he was forcing himself to go out and find lucky strikes.

He hated everything around him. The crowded masses and the happy people. Couples cozying up to each other at cafes, the family picnics at the park he was walking through.

How dare they be happy when he was miserable. How dared people have functional and lasting relationships when he was doomed since birth to fail in every single one of his relationships.

How he hated the park and everything in it. He walked faster just to avoid seeing people and get to his destination but then he saw something that made him stand still. As he was passing the fountain, he saw her or he, so he thinks.

The hair and the coat resemble Mai’s, but she had her back against him and she was sitting on the bench in front of the fountain. He couldn’t see her face, but he wanted to get a closer look. He tried to act nonchalant and sat next to her but closer to the edge of the bench. He tried to sneak a look, but she was covering her face with giant sunglasses. Was she perhaps blind? If so, it couldn’t be Mai. He found himself staring and it was likely the alcohol in him that made him like this. She had to be Mai, but he couldn’t tell unless she made a certain movement. She was sitting completely still, fixated to the fountain in front of her.

“I can see you.” She hissed.

Zuko let out a smile. It was Mai. He tried to compose himself.

“Good. You have… eyes.” Why was he like this.

Mai let out a sigh. “What do you want? Did you come here to yell a bit more about what a bitch I am?”

“No… I was just passing the park and I thought I saw you which I did.”

Mai made no movement. She had thought about him earlier, but she wasn’t ready to see him, and she didn’t want him to see her like this. There was nothing but silence between them. Mai wanted to get up and leave but something inside her made her sit still.

“I’ve missed you.” Zuko said and turned to her.

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying, and I don’t like to be accused of it.” Zuko said and sat closer to her. Mai flinched by his touch. “I didn’t think our time would be this short and sweet.”

“There was nothing sweet about it.” Mai said coldly.

“I thought it was. That’s how I like to remember it.”

Mai turned her head. He couldn’t see it, but her eyes were getting teary. “Maybe in some other place and time, it was sweet and longer than this.”

Her words held some truth, but it was a bitter truth. “How are things going with Zhao?” He asked, not thinking about what he had just said.

Mai got up and walked away. Zuko followed her and he could tell she was shaking.

“Mai? What happened? I’m so-sorry but tell me. What happened?” He said and grabbed her by the hand.

She pulled away from him and kept walking away. But Zuko was stubborn and followed her until he took her to an alley, away from the busy streets.

“Are you crying?” He asked her.

“No!” She almost yelled her answer, but it was obvious she was upset.

Zuko held her close to the brick wall. Standing far away from people who could see them. He wasn’t letting her go and she wasn’t making any resistance.

Zuko pulled away her sunglasses and behind them revealed a black eye with minor cuts under both eyes. She had used makeup to cover up most of the wounds that became clearer for him.

He had to bite down his fist to stop himself from cursing.

“Where is he?” He said demandingly. He couldn’t control his anger, but Mai tried her best to calm him down.

“Please… Don’t. Zuko, no I don’t need this from you.” She said, holding both of his hands. She let her tears fall down her face.

“I’d kill him.” He hissed, and his eyes ignited with fire.

“I don’t need you to get into my problems.” Mai said and found herself embracing him. Holding him close to her as if she was making sure he wouldn’t really go and kill Zhao.

“He laid his hands on you…” Zuko growled uncontrollably. He wanted to smash his fist into the brick wall, but Mai gave him a serious look. Looking into her eyes had a calming effect on him.

“I don’t want you to do anything stupid for me.” Mai said, holding his closed fist. She pulled his hand closer to her. “If I lose you I will have nothing left.”

Her words echoed in his head. He strokes her cheek. For every second he looked at her, her beauty grew for him.

“I can’t let him do that to you.” Zuko said, cupping his hands around her face. Mai was still holding onto him.

“I don’t need protection, Zuko.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? He beats you up and you… You still say that?” Zuko was at loss for words. He tried to understand her.

She didn’t appreciate his choice of words. “I have to do this my own way. I’m leaving him.”

Her heart was racing when she looked into his eyes after uttering those words.

“Are you doing that today?” Zuko said, holding back his urges to kiss her.

She shook her head. “I’m not going back. Not today at least. I hate him. I can’t stand seeing his face.” Mai said, looking down at the ground.

“Stay with me.” Zuko said and lifted her head with his strong fingers.

“That’s a horrible idea.” Mai said, letting go off him. Even if that was the only suggestion to her problem.

Zuko leaned closer to the point of their foreheads touching. He always felt so warm.

“Maybe. But what do you expect from horrible people.” Zuko let out a chuckle, his eyes fixated on hers. “Where will you go?”

Mai shrugged, and it sealed the deal with Zuko. He had decided she was going with him and if he saw Zhao, he knew what he’d do. He might not be proud of it, but he was ready to anything.

The night was a comforting friend for them both and it was easier to sneak around. They had to be extra cautious and not make any slight noise or sound because even the most congenial of neighbors could be treacherous.

Mai had never been in Zuko’s apartment before and she didn’t know what to expect from his residency.

“Home sweet home.” Zuko said and turned on the lights.

Mai didn’t know what to look at first. The cigarette buds, shriveled newspaper articles lying on the floor, pieces of paper or the beer cans and bottles that were lying scattered. She didn’t want to think of how his kitchen looked like.

“Is this a crime scene?” She asked.

Zuko laughed. “I like your humor. It’s dark and sarcastic.”

“I wasn’t really joking but…” Mai was dragged to the bedroom by Zuko. His bedroom looked nicer than his living room. She sat down on his bed while he took her coat and put it away.

“You can have the bed… I’ll sleep on the couch.” Zuko said when he came back to the bedroom. He noticed Mai already lying on the bed with her legs and arms spread.

“I don’t mind sharing.” Mai said with a sultry voice. “It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

Zuko’s cheeks and his ears turned bright red at the reminder. He wanted to hold back his impulsiveness, but he also wanted to lie next to her, touch her and kiss her.

“Uh, sure. What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Zuko let out a nervous laughter as he looked at Mai.

“We could fuck?” Mai said and laughed.

 _Why is she messing around with me?_ Zuko thought. _At this point it isn’t the worse thing we could do._

And she looked to be at peace when she fell asleep. Zuko watched her until his own body gave in but watching her asleep was a sorcerous thing. The way her lips projected and how they slightly moved simultaneously with her chest when she exhaled. He went from feeling peace to feel unspeakable anger when he noticed the cut above her lip and underneath her eyes. She was difficult, dark and stoic in her presence but in her most vulnerable nature she was everything but that. It was a part of her Zuko wanted to explore more.

He pushed himself closer to her until there was nothing between them but small space of oxygen they shared.

 

Zuko was awoken by the noise and different scents from the kitchen. He reached out his hand to her, but she wasn’t there. He almost panicked when he got up from his bed, yet the surroundings confused him. His room was impeccably clean much to his surprise. His clothes folded on a chair in front of him. Hers were still there but she was out of sight. He didn’t care to put on the clothes that was put there. He almost slammed the door open to his small living room and found her standing in the kitchen.

Mai was wearing one of his overgrown t-shirts with her hair pulled up in a messy bun.

“Morning.” She said without looking at him.

“W-why…”

“I got bored, so I cleaned. There’s two big trash bags by the door. Do yourself a favor and throw them out please.” Mai said.

She had been cleaning and cooking the whole morning, just for him. Still confused Zuko walked over to the trash bags.

Mai watched him closely. Wanting to memorize every detail of him from his scar to his torso and his boxer briefs. She found herself staring at his bulge and before he left she snapped herself back to reality.

“Wait…” She walked over to him. She wasn’t wearing pants either. “Are you really going out like that?”

“I’m just throwing away trash….” Zuko said and after a quick realization understood what Mai was talking about. “That’s nothing.”

“Aren’t you scared people would see your…”

“Cock?”

Mai blushed and almost looked grossed out by the use of the word. “I was thinking of another word but thanks for the vulgarity.”

“C’mon, that’s what they call it. Cock, dick, penis etcetera. What, what would you like? Baby-Making-Love-Sword? Is that a good word for you?” Zuko said and leered at her. He enjoyed seeing her blushing.

“Just cover yourself…” Mai said and looked away.

“What if I don’t want to?” Zuko winked at her as he was still heading out.

Mai rolled her eyes at him. “You are kind of an exhibitionist, aren’t you?”

“Exi-what?” Zuko said and opened the door. None of them were prepared for what would happen at that moment.

“Zuko!” Zhao called Zuko out. His voice sounded rough and raspy.

First thing Zuko did was to push Mai out from the threshold and out of sight.

“Uhm, hello?”

“Out with the trash I see.” Zhao said. He looked like he had been binge-drinking since night to morning. His clothes were messy, and his beard was unkempt. Zhao had that perverted grin. “And you have someone in there, haven’t you?”

“That’s really not anyone’s business but mine…” Zuko said through gritted teeth. He knew Zhao was looking at him, up and down, with distaste and a scornful grin. Zuko felt like punching that grin off of his face.

“You’re right… You might… Seen that wife o’ mine?” Zhao slurred his voice. The way he pronounced ‘wife’ made grown men uncomfortable.

“No.” Zuko lied. “Did she run away?”

Zhao let out an ugly chortle. “I think the bitch did.” Zuko realized he was obviously drunk.

“First thing to keep them is to not call them a bitch.” Zuko said as he was making his way throw away the bags. He felt Zhao following him.

“You must know something about that, don’t you?”

Zhao had a terrifying presence, it oozed when he came closer to Zuko, but it did nothing to him but anger him.

Zhao was a huge guy, big boned and spoke with a cold yet rugged language. The way he smirked could make anyone feel belittled and dirty.

“What’s the deal, Zhao?” Zuko said, letting hints of frustration out from his voice.

“There’s something about you boy. I can’t put my finger on it.” Zhao was getting too close to Zuko.

“What about you come over for a drink? Just between us two men.”

Zuko forced a smile. “I don’t think so… Not right now.”

“Let me guess, your woman upstairs won’t let you?” Zhao gestured to the stairs they had just walked down from. “I’m giving you a heads up, about women, this is good information, boy.”

The way he called Zuko ‘boy’ was agitating enough.

“They are only good for a fuck and if you don’t keep them in their leash… They will break you in every sense of the word.” Zhao patted Zuko on the shoulder. Zhao put extra force into it, and Zuko saw it as nothing but powerplay. Zhao had an intense need to belittle and humiliate people.

When Zuko was done, he rushed up to the stairs and slammed his door to his place hard enough for Mai to almost drop something.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“How can you be married to him?!” Zuko growled. He was clenching both fists in raging fury.

Mai sighed. “So, it was Zhao.”

Zuko wanted to punch a hole in the wall but Mai had to stop him and calm him down.

“He’s a fucking…”

“Jerk? Asshole? I know.” Mai said and held onto Zuko’s fist. “Stop worrying about him. I’m dealing with it.”

“Dealing with it? How can you deal with that? How can someone like you be married to someone like that!” He shouted.

Mai let out a sorrowful sigh. “He wasn’t always like that.”

Mai had cooked breakfast, but she was not had the appetite or the mood to sit with him. She walked away from him and locked herself in his bedroom. Zuko felt bad for yelling and followed her with a tray of the food she had cooked.

“Hey, Mai. I’m sorry I yelled.” Zuko said, he found her crawled up in the bed and she was making silent sobs.

Mai turned around, her intense eyes were filled with tears and she looked more angry than sad.

“I’m such a wretched excuse for a girl.” She said and turned away.

Zuko put the tray away and sat down next to her. “Hey, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No… No, you’re right. I have been so stupid.” Mai said and found herself in his toned arms. He hugged her tightly and let her tears fall down on his chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t supposed to marry him. I only did it to please them…”

“Who?”

“My parents. I told you already about this. They just gave me away because someone like Zhao had requested it.” Mai was wiping her tears with Zuko’s t-shirt. “I haven’t always been like this, you know.”

“Tell me. Tell me about the girl you used to be.” Zuko said and caressed her hair and cheek.

_She’s dead._

“There was a girl. She got anything she ever wanted.” Mai told her story with a trembling voice. “Her parents were very strict and had certain expectations before I…The girl, could demand anything. Not to speak until spoken to, not to make any fuss and always be ladylike. She was being trained into something bigger than she could ever understand.” Mai had to stop to breathe and she felt Zuko’s hand on top of hers, giving her the comfort, she needed.

“What happened to her?” Zuko asked, feeling Mai’s shivering body against his.

“She grew up. And she realized her role as a woman.” Mai had learned the hard way what it was expected from her. The giddy girl she once was had been replaced by a colder and more reserved teenager. Yet she still had dreams, her dreams never escaped her.

“B-but. I remember her having her dreams. She dreamt about escaping, to another place and time. She wanted to finish her studies and travel the world. Staying in one place bored her. And in came this older man and he promised her the world. The world that her parents had once forbidden her to see.” She felt the lump in her throat, but she had no tears left to cry. “And she figured, she could please herself and her family by marrying him.”

Zuko had listened to her story. He thought about Mai as a child, how happy she must have been once. He thought about his own childhood and growing up with his sister. His boyhood dreams had been crushed to a pulp.

“Tell me about the boy you used to be.” Mai said, her fingers lingering on his scar. Zuko took her fingers away from his face to kiss them.

“He’s not with us anymore, obviously.” Zuko let out a sarcastic chuckle. He looked at Mai and thought about what to say. “I mean, I guess he’s somewhere.”

“He is… I see him in you.”

“No, you don’t. Look at me. Look at my face. I don’t even recognize him in this face.” Zuko said, since his teens he had difficulty seeing the marking on his face as his own. It was easier to disconnect and separate the two faces he knew.

Mai said nothing but Zuko knew she was listening carefully to whatever it was he was about to say.

“Well, the boy grew up with his sister and his parents. His mom was clever and always tried to see the good in everyone even if it blew in her face. His sister… She tried hard. Hard to find the love and acceptance from both parents. Because even if mom tried her best, she wasn’t always perfect and dad, dad was too proud to recognize his own shortcomings. I think he had his own baggage and trauma, but we never knew because he never talked to us. If he spoke, he was yelling. He was cruel and difficult. He put all of his fears and shame onto his children. They handled it differently of course but he was also a mean drunk. Once, the boy was a witness to his cruelty and he thought to himself that he’d kill her if he didn’t get between. He didn’t want to go on his life feeling like coward. He was severely punished as you can see.”

Mai stroke his scar with a gentle touch. “I hate what he did to you.”

“Yeah. He thought it was appropriate to shove his 13-year-old son’s face into an open fire. It was his way to teach him respect. Who cares about that old man now? He was a raging alcoholic, wifebeater and a rapist.” Zuko said, he got upset just to think about it. He hated his father for what he did to his loved ones. He thought about the pain his mother endured in silence and the shame and pressure his father had put on his little sister to the point she had her own breakdown.

“I used to be kind of cute back then.” Zuko said on a lighter note.

Mai pulled his face closer to hers and kissed his scar. “You’re still kind of cute.”

Zuko caught her kiss with his lips. He had missed the taste of her and she missed his touch on her body.

Their kisses got heavier and for a moment their problems were out of this world. There was nothing holding them back and for Zuko, they were the only people that mattered.

Mai reluctantly stopped herself and stopped responding to his kisses.

“Zuko…” She said his name breathlessly. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“What?” He asked with a worried look.

Mai took his hand put it on her belly. Zuko felt her hand tremble above his.

“We need to talk.”

 


	9. Result

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the end chapter.  
> To quote one of my favorite shows/books.  
> "If you think this has a happy ending you haven't been paying attention." :x

” Would you please calm down? It might be nothing.”

Zuko was pacing around and was mumbling incoherent words. “This can’t be.”

“I haven’t got my­- “Mai tried to say but was interrupted by the frantic Zuko with more incoherent words and mumblings.

“We have to deal with Zhao and you’re pregnant?!”

“It might be a false alarm…”

“What if its Zhao’s?!”

“Would you stop yelling at me!” Mai hissed. She thought she was close to tears again, but she was more angry and frustrated.

Zuko tried to calm himself down. “I’m sorry but we aren’t in the right place to have…. This!”

Mai got up from the bed. “Forget it. If… And I said IF! If the test is positive I’m having an abortion.” She said and raised her index finger at Zuko. It didn’t seem to calm him down any less.

“Abortion?! The sort that costs money?”

“Oh, no. I meant the ones that doesn’t cost precious money. You know, the type of abortion where I let you falcon punch me in the gut.”

“You’re not funny.” Zuko sat down, feeling defeated.

Mai sighed. “It’s not the end of the world.”

Zuko rested his head in his hands.

_She doesn’t understand. I can’t be a father. I can’t be there for her._

“I’m going out.” Mai said, changing her clothes.

“Out? What if Zhao sees you on your way out?” Zuko took away her clothes and put them away.

“I have to get the pregnancy test and then we’ll know.”

“NO. I mean, no. I’ll get it.” Zuko said, putting on sweatpants and a washed-out t-shirt. He didn’t let Mai speak and was heading out.

“Do you even know how they look like?” Mai said with her hands on her hips.

“Of course, I know.” Zuko lied with confidence. “Trust me. Get some rest. Eat. Sleep… Don’t get pregnant.”

“Okay, you’re officially losing it.” Mai said and kissed him on the cheek. “Stay calm.”

“I am calm!” Zuko lied again.

Mai gave him another kiss, hoping it would calm him down again. “Please… I mean it. If the test is negative, then we have nothing to worry about but if it would be positive… We still have nothing to worry about.” She held him close to her, looking directly into his eyes.

Zuko nodded in agreement. Perhaps he thought he was agreeing with her and it was only to satisfy her.

When he left, he thought he had left her with his worries behind him, but they came running back. One part of him hoped for a negative result and another felt very differently. Yet his fears of becoming a father was overwhelming him. He could turn into his own father and there was a chance he wasn’t the father. He was beating himself up and when he got to the pharmacy, he felt dizzy and nauseous. He felt like entering unknown territory as he walked into the women’s health aisle. He realized he had no actual idea of what was, how things worked but he figured he would just buy anything and let Mai decide.

 

*

 

Mai felt like crying in the bathroom floor, but she was too proud to let herself stoop that low. All she wanted was to leave. Somewhere far away where no one could find her. Not even Zuko or Zhao. She felt her jaw twitch as it trembled. Her whole body was trembling and for a time she had felt it wasn’t her own anymore. She thought about Zuko, a man she had known for a short time. Could he be fully trusted anyway? Perhaps not, perhaps he only liked her as someone to be with. Someone to be intimate with and even if he had told her he loved her… How could it be genuine.

 _Men always lie_ , she thought to herself.

She wasn’t going to feel sorry for the trouble she had gotten herself in.

An unexpected knock on the door was heard. It couldn’t be Zuko as he had a key and she didn’t dare to move. Perhaps it would go away.

The knockings got louder, and a voice was heard on the outside. It wasn’t Zhao but someone else.

She heard the sound of the door being opened.

_I never locked the damn door after him…_

“Nephew? Are you there?” It was uncle Iroh’s voice, calling for Zuko.

Mai knew she had to stand still and not make any slight noise, but her bladder was fighting against her.

_Damn personal hygiene urges…_

“I have been worried about you for a time now but… oh, very clean. Very clean indeed. I guess you and your lady friend are back together?” He said from the living room.

Mai let out a whimpering noise and immediately tried to recover from it.

“I guess I’ll wait until you leave the bathroom then.” The older man chuckled. “I think I’ll lay myself down here on this couch…”

_Why won’t he leave… Why won’t he just leave…_

Mai felt helpless. She didn’t know what to do but to stay completely silent. Praying for Zuko’s return.

 

*

 

Zuko was humming his favorite song as he was making his way back home. Realizing the irony in it.

 

 

 _“And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road_  
I will steer for you  
And if you want to work the street alone  
I'll disappear for you  
If you want a father for your child  
Or only want to walk with me a while across the sand  
I'm your man…”

He wasn’t feeling like the man his uncle knew he could be. He didn’t feel anything but the pressure of more responsibilities on top of the ones he already had. He was suddenly stopped by none other than Zhao himself.

“Doing some pharmaceutical shopping I see.” Zhao said, looking at the plastic bag in Zuko’s hand.

_Why is he always around…? Why can’t he drop dead?_

“Ugh, yeah…” Zuko said, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Well…Well. What do you have there?” He said, his voice felt like nails on a chalkboard.

Zuko tried to pull away the bag from him but Zhao was a lot faster and grabbed one plastic part of the handle. He got a good luck of what was inside and made an unpleasant cackle.

“Pregnancy test?” He laughed out loud. Agitating Zuko even further.

 _Touch me again and I’ll break your face_.

“It takes me back. When _she_ was expecting. She didn’t expect the fall down the stairs either, I guess.” Zhao cackled.

Zuko figured what he talked about. What Mai had told him had some truth to it but not in its entirely. He clenched his fist. He could spew fire at Zhao and release hellfire on him, but he knew better.

“Very funny Zhao.” Zuko said through gritting teeth. “I need to go.”

“I wouldn’t worry if I were you or maybe in this case…I would!” Zhao laughed and went to his own place.

If Zuko got the chance, he’d kill him. End him for good.

 

Zuko didn’t notice his uncle sleeping on his couch when he walked in.

“Mai, I got your shit! What do we do now?”

Iroh woke up from his slumber. “Zuko? Is that you?”

“What the… What are you doing here?!” Zuko said, petrified. He dropped the bag. “DID SHE LET YOU IN HERE?!”

“She? No, the door was open but… Who?” Iroh was still sleepy and confused.

“I mean… There’s no she. I guess, I guess I forgot the lock the door.” Zuko said. He was trying to hide his flustering and fake calmness.

Iroh raised one eyebrow. “Nephew… If you are standing there, then who is in the bathroom?” Iroh’s eyes went to the bathroom door.

Mai was close to open the door until Zuko pushed it shut again. A loud thumping noise was heard.

“THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU PUSH!” Mai’s voice was heard. Angry and thwarted.

“Mrs. Zhao?” Iroh asked, scattered and didn’t know what to make of the current situation he was in.

Zuko let out a sigh. “I can explain uncle. I know you won’t like and you might hate me for this but please try to understand.” Zuko pleaded with her uncle.

“What’s wrong Zuko? What happened? Tell me.” Iroh got up from the couch and walked over to Zuko.

“You’ll hate me…”

“I would never hate you…”

Mai got carefully out from the bathroom.

“What is Mrs. Zhao doing here?” Iroh asked Zuko. Then all the pieces fell right where they were supposed to be. The way Mai embraced his nephew and his nephew’s arm around her.

He looked severely disappointed and saddened. “What… has… gotten into you two?” He said, his voice sounded deep and cold.

“Uncle… I…” Zuko started.

“What have you done?” Iroh sounded like he was berating Zuko.

“It’s not just him…” Mai said in Zuko’s defense.

“I can clearly see that. What were you thinking?!” He turned his head to Zuko.

The raising of Iroh’s voice gave Zuko shivers. The last person he wanted to disappoint was him.

“I-I’m sorry uncle. It was never meant to go this far…”

“We started out as friends and one thing led to another.” Mai finished Zuko’s sentence. “We never meant this to happen, but it unfortunately did.”

Iroh said nothing but he listened cautiously to what Mai was saying. He looked over at the two young people, still holding close to each other. They seemed very much in love and then he noticed Mai’s face. Her eye had gotten better but the mark of it was still there. Only slightly noticeable.

“You have found comfort in each other.” Iroh said, unexpectedly calm. “I don’t support how it went by but I… I understand.”

“You do?” Zuko asked his uncle.

“I do… And I guess if you are very much in love then there’s nothing I can say but to support you two but not how it went by!”

“Yeah, that was shitty.” Zuko said happy to be in his uncle’s good graces again. “But we have something else to share with you.”

“What now?”

Zuko looked at Mai who shrugged. “Uh… Well… Mai could be pregnant.”

“Ta…da?” Mai said with crooked smile. She seemed more worried than happy now that Iroh knew.

“I have to sit down.” The old man said and Zuko had to help him back to the couch.

“I mean, she could be. We don’t know but she has to do something with this stick and then we’ll know.” Zuko picked the pregnancy test from the floor and gave it to Mai.

“I need to rest…” Iroh said, this whole day had been too much for him.

Zuko followed Mai to the bathroom. “It’s not that bad that he knows, right?”

Iroh had fallen asleep on the couch again.

“I didn’t expect this to happen at all… We have to be more careful.”

“I know, I know. Do you need help with that?” He pointed at the test in Mai’s hands. He still didn’t really know how it worked but he had some ideas.

“No thanks.” Mai said, hiding a little smile from him. “I can do it myself.”

“It looks like a stick… Are you supposed to stick it up there? In the vag—”

“Zuko, get out.” Mai said, her smile faded and locked him out from the bathroom.

Zuko walked over to the couch and sat down next to his now passed out uncle. Waiting impatiently on Mai.

After a short while she came back. Her face was expressionless. “I have good news and I guess some bad? Depends on how you view this.”

“Give me the good news first or the bad one? Which one, I don’t care!”

“Would you relax?” Mai sighed, she was having enough with the drama for today. “It’s positive.”

 Zuko said nothing. Nothing could shock him anymore. He had gone numb. He looked over at his uncle. “It’s good he’s sleeping because he’d have a heart attack.”

“We could terminate it?” Mai said, she didn’t know if that’s what she wanted. She had lost a child before and this could be her only chance left.

“D-do you want to terminate it?” Zuko said, the word ‘terminate’ left a bad taste in his mouth.

Mai knew it was her choice and her choice only. “I don’t know. It depends on what we do with Zhao.”

“You’d leave him, right? That’s what your plan was.”

“Of course. I’m not going to stay with him… Not after what he did to me.” Mai said. Mai tried to figure something out. She needed to go back to her apartment and get a small bag of her belongings without confronting Zhao or if she did, she wasn’t going to let him get to her anymore.


	10. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the title says. No spoilers.

Mai had fallen asleep on his bed. She was lacking energy and she had exhausted herself by thinking of ideas of how to deal with Zhao.

Zuko let her be and joined his uncle for tea.

“A child changes everyone’s lives.” His uncle said poured Zuko tea. “They need space, time and love to grow…”

“I know. That’s why am I such a damn failure.” Zuko said, hitting his head on the table. He reluctantly agreed the tea and swept it with disgust.

“Then maybe you should have thought about that…”

“I was thinking about it! She however… I don’t know…” Zuko was feeling distraught. He had been biting on his fingers and peeled off the skin were all signs of being in distress. His uncle couldn’t do anything for him

“What made you do all of this? Are you really in love?” He asked Zuko, he was concerned about his nephew. He had known Zuko since his birth and had been a part of his transformation from a young boy to the man he was now.

“I… think I am? That would have been the right answer to this, isn’t it?” Zuko said. “It all started quite innocent.” Zuko let out a sarcastic chuckle. “I know what you are thinking. There’s nothing innocent about this but that’s how it started out to be. I guess you could say I was looking for a friendship with her and we were friends or that’s how I thought…” Zuko struggled with his words. He truly didn’t know what had happened between them. He rested his forehead in his trembling palms. “I liked her as a person. She was cool, interesting and a part of the dark unknown but somewhere along the road of liking a person the way you like a friend it became… it became this.” Zuko tried to explain himself. He was sure he wasn’t making sense, but his uncle nodded.

“You fell for her.”

Zuko didn’t answer him directly but his uncle understood him fully.

“And you fell hard and deeply in love with her, but you are still tormented about it. Zuko, why?”

“Because I’m not sure if she actually feels the same way. She never expresses it with words and I guess actions speak louder than words, but I still need to hear what she actually thinks of me.” Zuko finished his cup of tea and wanted another one even if the taste wasn’t appealing to him. There were different sides of him, struggling with each other, and one side told him she never loved him. She only wants something from him and it could be the child she was carrying. Zuko strangely believed it.

“What if she only wants a child because it benefits her and her marriage?” Zuko finally said, realizing Iroh was listening carefully to what he was saying.

“You mean, out of spite? I have known women who thought bringing a child would change the men in their lives, but I doubt that.” Iroh said, he had seen Mai’s face. He knew she wasn’t that naïve of a girl to think or do such a thing.

“I don’t know… I don’t know anything anymore.”

“I’m always here for you. You’re of my blood and you’re more of a son to me than your father was a parent to you. If you ever need help, if you ever needed something. You still have your family.” Iroh got up and embraced Zuko. “But what you decide to do now is what is important.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t think I can be there for her. I can’t be a father. I can’t help her.” Zuko said, his tears falling slowly down as he let go of Iroh. “I’m a failure and they would probably better off without me.”

“Zuko…”

“She would probably have to do this without me. I can’t be a father. I don’t think I even want to…”

“You’re scared you’d turn into Ozai?”

Zuko nodded as he looked down at his final cup of tea. “It’s better for everyone if I wasn’t there. I don’t want to ruin shit anymore.”

Without them realizing, Mai had woken up and heard only pieces of their conversation. It echoed in Mai’s head.

_She would probably have to do this without me. I can’t be a father. I don’t even think I want to._

Mai didn’t know what to do in that moment. She felt as if her heart was being ripped out by him. She didn’t dare to walk out and present herself to them. She watched them through the small opening of the door.

_Perhaps I should walk up to him. Cool like a breeze and just tell him. It’s all good. I don’t want him anyway. I don’t need him. Tell him, it’s all good. I don’t care anyway._

He was like any other man her mother had warned her about. They’ll leave as soon as the fun ends and they are faced with challenges.

She watched as Zuko and his uncle embraced each other for a final moment before Iroh left. She waited out until it was only Zuko left standing there and the door closed on them.

“I think it is time for me to leave.” Mai said as she stepped out, surprising Zuko with her presence.

“Mai! You were awake this whole time?” Zuko said and walked up to her. He wanted to hug her, but she stepped away from him.

“No, I just woke up.” Mai lied. She sounded cold and distant. “I’m going over… To get my stuff. Where did Iroh go?”

“He left for the shop but are you insane? What if Zhao catches you there?!” Zuko was worried. He couldn’t read her and felt something was off with her.

“No.” Mai looked over at the clock. “He’s either working right now or getting drunk at some sleazy bar.” Mai said and walked passed Zuko.

“Are you sure about this?”

“I have never been surer in my entire life.” Mai said without looking at him. She flinched whenever he tried to touch her.

She had put on her clothes and was headed towards the door when she was stopped by Zuko.

He grabbed her hand and it set her off.

 _Lay your hands on me again and it will be the last time you’ll have hands,_ she thought as she turned around to face him.

“Mai… You are not being you. Something’s wrong.”

“Something? What makes you think that?” Mai said, expressionless.

“You’re acting differently…” Zuko couldn’t put his finger on it but he knew Mai was being too weird for him.

_I thought I could trust you._

“I guess it isn’t easy when you’ve only known someone for such a short time.” She mumbled.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just… Wait here. I’ll be done in just a few moments.” Mai told him. She walked over to her and Zhao’s place and opened the door with her key. She watched Zuko standing by his threshold before she closed the door between them.

 

 

The living room was dark, and it implied she was the only there. She walked over to her shared room to pack a few things.

“I have missed you.” His voice was heard across the room.

The hair on Mai’s neck was standing up. “Zhao? What are you doing here?”

“This is my home. I used to think it was yours too.” He walked out of the dark and put on the lights. He almost looked feral with wild staring eyes. “Where have you been?”

“It’s none of your business.” Mai said with distaste.

“Oh, it is very much my business. I am your husband but perhaps you forgot about it. He walked threateningly up to her.

Mai wasn’t backing down. She was done being the passive girl she had been raised to be. “You’re nothing but a drunk who can’t even hold on a job. I’m leaving.” She tried to walk pass him, but he gave her a shove.

“Leaving for who?” Zhao said and blocked her path.

“For myself.” She said in confidence and tried again to walk pass him until he gave her another shove.

“You’re really breaking my heart. After all I have done for you… You can’t even be honest with me in this very moment.” He pushed her again. And again, until Mai relented. With all of her bottled up emotions spilling out in rage, she gave him a hard-hitting slap across the face.

“Get…the fuck… away from me.” Mai said furiously.

Zhao could taste his own blood as he turned his head slightly to look at her. “You really had that in you…” He forced her against the wall. Shoving her back with full force against the door handle to their bedroom. “I should have known from the beginning. No wonder why Ukano and Michi were so eager to get rid off you.”

“Let go off me!” Mai shouted and kicked him in the crotch. She tried to reach for something in her pocket until Zhao came back with another blow and shoved her head against the door on the way out. Mai fell down on her hands. Noticing droplets of blood falling down from her mouth to the floor. Zhao grabbed her by the neck and forced her on her back on the cold floor. He put his whole weight on her and let his strong hands around her neck. Mai couldn’t even recognize his face. His eyes looked dark, full of hatred for her.

“There was a time I loved you…” He said with a growl and started to squeeze her throat.

Mai let out shriek and tried to kick him off of her without any success. She spat in his face which only aggravated him further with his violence.

She thought about the life inside of her. She thought about the last time she knew she was pregnant and how she had lost it. Her only thought was about surviving this. He wouldn’t show any mercy to her or the unborn inside of her.

With a blink of an eye, after screaming herself hoarse, some kind of invisible force had dragged Zhao off of her. When she tried to get up she noticed Zuko standing in front of her, he had forced the door open after hearing her screams.

“Zuko!” She let out a surprised yell when she saw him.

Zhao quickly got up on his two feet. He grinned like the devil when he saw who was standing between him and Mai. “I should have known… It was right in front of me all the time.”

“Zhao… Leave her alone.” Zuko said with full-blown rage.

“You two… In my own fucking home…” Zhao let out an evil laughter. “I should have fucking known from the very beginning. I leave her for a week and she fall in bed with the first hopeless clown that gives her attention.” He looked more like an animal than he looked human.

“Leave her alone, Zhao.”

“I’m not done with her yet, but I will soon be done with you.” Zhao said. Before Mai could understand what was truly going on between them, Zhao had thrown one punch, hard enough for Zuko to almost stumble. Zuko was quick on his feet and managed to throw some jabs but Zhao was stronger and launched another punch with his right hand and Zuko fell to the floor with a shattered tooth.

“Leave him alone Zhao!” Mai yelled out and tried to get between them but was pushed aside by Zhao.

Zhao held onto Zuko’s shirt and kept on hitting him in the face until the shirt was turning red with his blood. Zuko felt himself going out of consciousness as the poundings got heavier. Zuko’s face was covered with nothing but his own blood.

“This is for meddling in other people’s marriages, boy. Your mother should have taught you better.” Zhao said and was ready to serve the final lethal blow.

Mai remembered the large sharp piece from the broken mirror in her pocket. Without thinking through she jumped on top of Zhao and stabbed him in the throat with it. She pulled it out and stabbed it even further until it was lodged in there.

Zhao let out a shriek as his own blood was spewing all over. He tried to grab onto it but collapsed on the floor, twitching in his own blood.

The last thing Zuko saw before going into unconsciousness was Mai’s face.

 

 

*

 

Zuko woke up in total panic. He couldn’t make sense of what had happened to him and how he had ended up in the hospital bed. He almost scared the nurse that was tending to him.

“Sir, you need to lay still for a while. You’ve been hurt very bad.”

“Where am I?!” Zuko yelled out.

“In the hospital. You came with a girl, but I doubt you remember that.” The nurse said. “She was quite sweet and stayed by your side until she left…”

_A girl… Mai._

Zuko pulled out the medical tubes from himself and got up from the bed. He noticed a small piece of paper in his hand but couldn’t make sense of it.

“Sir, please.”

“Where is she?!” Zuko yelled again.

“W-who?”

“The girl! Damn it, the girl!”

The nurse looked almost terrified of him. “S-She left a few hours ago. But sir…You have to stay for further tests… You can’t leave yet!”

Zuko ignored the woman. He looked hard to find his clothes, without thinking properly he put on his bloodstained shirt that was lying in a white plastic bag alongside his sweatpants.

“Sir… Please…”

“WHERE DID SHE GO?!” Zuko roared at her poor woman.

“It’s confidential sir.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck… I have to find her!”

The woman stood on her ground, not letting him get a word out of her. It only made him angrier.

“DAMN IT TELL ME!” Zuko roared in her face.

The woman gave in. “S-She went to a shelter… I-I can’t tell you anything else or I will lose my job.” The woman sobbed.

Zuko rushed out of the room, slamming his door on his way out. Little did he know; the nurse had called security on him.

Zuko looked over at the piece of paper he was holding. It said nothing but the following.

****

**_I loved you._ **

 

He figured quickly it was Mai’s handwriting. He walked up to the people sitting in the waiting rooms. Not caring if his appearance scared the people around him. He had passed a mirror and seen the unhealed stitched up scars in his face.

“Sir, please. If we could talk…” A white clothed doctor said to him calmly.

Zuko answered him by pushing him out of his way as he was making his way to the counter.

“I’m looking for a girl named Mai.” He said to the woman behind the desk.

“First of all, sir. We need a surname, but we couldn’t help you anyway because of our confidentiality policy.” The woman looked at his bewildered appearance. She was sure not giving out any information to him.

“I don’t give a fuck…” Zuko growled. “Her name is Mai and she went to a shelter. TELL ME WHICH!”

“I can’t help you.” The woman said and closed the window between.

Zuko slammed his fists on the counter and felt a certain person’s hands on his shoulder.

“Sir, you have to come with us.” Security guards of the hospital surrounded him.

“Get your filthy hands off of me!” Zuko roared and shoved the man’s hand away from him. Before he knew what was actually happening, Zuko was being tackled down by the men and a struggle ensued.

“Sir, we are not going to hurt you, but you have to stay calm!”

“FUCK OFF!” Zuko roared again. He was certainly out of his mind, but he was going to make sure he got away from there.

But they were too many of them and only one of him. He kicked, he punched, he cursed and shouted. Distressed people were trying to get away and hide the sight of him from their children’s eyes.

Zuko saw the same doctor he had pushed away coming towards him with a sedative in his hands. It made him struggle even more until the sharp needle was suddenly lodged into his neck.

He became weaker and weaker. Before he could close his properly, he could have sworn he saw Mai’s face again.


End file.
